People sometimes think musicians are super human, but they're not, says Flyleaf bassist Pat Seals.
Musicians injure themselves all the time on tour, and they forget song lyrics and guitar licks.
"I've definitely vomited a few times," Seals says. "And we've had our share of song train wrecks."
Whoa, whoa, Pat Seals. Let's take on one disaster at a time, OK?
FALLING OFF STAGE
"One time, Lacey (Mosley, the singer) stepped off the front of the stage (and fell straight down). It was real scary.
"It looked like she went through a trap door.
"But she was fine. She landed on her feet ... like a cat.
PUKING ON STAGE
"One time in Germany, we finished this set, and on the last note of this song, I took two steps, and then I just threw up a couple of buckets worth of dinner.
"Then I left the stage.
"Unfortunately, I had to go back out and clean up my own vomit. Our tour manager was like, 'Ugh! You're cleaning this one up.' "
Why does he vomit so much?
"I don't know if you've ever run track, but if you drink a ton of water and then run for a while, eventually the motion will cause you to throw up.
"I drink a lot of water and Gatorade.
"If you overload, then boom -- it's out!
"I've vomited, like, a gallon of solid-red Gatorade on stage on a separate occasion. Josh -- Lacey's husband and our guitar tech at the time -- thought I was throwing up blood. It really freaked him out.
"On another occasion, we were still in the van, and I had eaten a whole bag of Red Hots on the way to this show, which turned out to be hot -- no air conditioning.
"This kid was standing right next to the stage, and he was wearing sandals. I vomited Red Hots on his bare feet. He wasn't too pleased."
SPLITTING PANTS ON STAGE
"I went through this phase of not wearing underwear while we're playing, just so I'd have one less thing to wash.
"I jumped, and my pants decided to split wide-open. I felt a breeze. I turned around and held my guitar front and center. Our tour manager was laughing and threw a towel for me to make a skirt out of.
"Another time, when I was wearing underwear, we were playing this Christian event for tons of young kids. And my pants decide to split open again.
"They had one of those JumboTron things. And for some reason, the cameraman got a tight shot of me.
"Between songs, the same tour manager comes up and goes, 'We're in big trouble, man.'
"So they made me this kind of diaper out of tape to cover my junk."
FALLING INTO DRUM KITS
"I haven't fallen all the way into a drum kit before. But I've definitely tried to jump off an amp and look cool -- and slip on my way down. I hit my head on one of the cymbals.
"We've had our share of 'Three Stooges'-isms."
"The best is, you know Jack Black in 'School of Rock,' where he stage dives and nobody catches him?
"Pretty much every time I've stage dived, that happened."
"It's like REM says: 'Everybody Hurts' -- at some point."
His nipple rings cause him pain at times.
"My big nipple ring pet peeve is when people are play-fighting and they punch you right in the chest, right on the nipple. I'm like, 'Arrrgh!' "
And the one time some disaster really should have happened to Flyleaf?
"We played for a motorcycle gang in the middle of West Texas.
"I started to notice every dude in the place was A) scary and B) had a motorcycle jacket with their 'rag' on the back. I started to get nervous.
"It looked like the set of 'From Dusk Till Dawn.' "
"It was really fun," he says. "They liked us. They didn't try to set us on fire."
Contact Doug Elfman at firstname.lastname@example.org. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.