Pick the right religion!

Attorney Jesse Sbaih — who’s campaigning for the Democratic nomination in the 3rd Congressional District — made some headlines last week when he accused Sen. Harry Reid of discouraging him from running, ostensibly because Sbaih is a Muslim.

Reid flatly denied the charge through a spokeswoman, but we all know the truth: Reid did discourage Sbaih from running, and it was precisely because Sbaih subscribes to the wrong religion.

Not Islam.

Sbaih’s problem is that he isn’t a member of the Church of Harry Reid.

And that’s an unpardonable sin in Nevada Democratic politics.

Sbaih’s apostasy was evident early on: He was granted an audience with the Church of Reid’s Presiding Bishop, Rebecca Lambe, who undoubtedly gave Sbaih a lesson in its key catechism: Reid chooses who he wants to run, and blessings flow upon those who are chosen, including national fundraising and help from organized labor.

But to those who are not among the elect, His Excellency has a simple message: “Depart from me, ye also-rans! And maybe try running for something a little less high profile your first time out!”

Sbaih may have forfeited Reid’s favor by committing the sin of inconstancy: He was apparently unsure which race he’d undertake. He mulled Congressional District 4 (which currently has so many Democrats in the race, it could almost serve as the party’s state convention). And Sbaih said “some people” even suggested he run as a moderate Republican against Rep. Dina Titus in Congressional District 1.

Heh. Run against Titus as a Republican in the most lopsided congressional district in Nevada? Talk about a sacrificial lamb offered to an angry god. (For his part, Sbaih told the Review-Journal’s Ben Botkin that was simply a suggestion offered by others and that he never really considered switching parties. Sbaih backs Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, the hero of the Democratic Party’s left and a man who also missed out on a Reid endorsement recently.)

Meanwhile, Church of Reid Monsignor Megan Jones calls Sbaih an opportunist who’s trying to raise money by calling Pope Harry a liar. Might that be because the Bishop of Searchlight has exorcised any chance Sbaih has of raising donations among the faithful? Ever since Reid recruited Jacky Rosen, head of Temple Ner Tamid (but nonetheless a devout member of the Church of Reid), it’s been clear who has been anointed with the oil of his approval. Even before that, Pope Harry seemingly never considered Sbaih, trying unsuccessfully to recruit ex-Secretary of State Ross Miller and businesswoman Heather Murren, among others.

Sbaih may not know Church of Reid history: dissidents are generally unwelcome, and apostates punished. When attorney Byron Georgiou briefly lost faith in 2012 and decided to make a primary bid for U.S. Senate against Reid-blessed Rep. Shelley Berkley, Pope Harry excommunicated him. And when Georgiou continued his campaign, Pope Harry ensured he got a vision of the hell that awaits all those who offend the First Commandment (“thou shalt obey every word that proceedth from the mouth of Reid”). In the end, Georgiou repented and dropped out.

Although his followers consider him infallible, and notwithstanding a fairly good record at building a party machine and vetting potential candidates, His Excellency hasn’t always come through. There wasn’t so much as an invisible spirit to run for governor in 2014. Only one Democrat has ever served in the 3rd Congressional District, and then only for a single term. And the party’s future is shrouded in doubt because of Pope Harry’s impending retirement.

But one thing is clear: In the here and now, if you want to run as a Democrat in Nevada, you’ve got to participate in the sacraments of the one true, holy Church of Harry Reid. Nonbelievers need not apply.

Steve Sebelius is a Review-Journal political columnist and co-host of the show “PoliticsNOW,” airing at 5:30 p.m. Sundays on 8NewsNow. Read his blog (SlashPolitics.com), follow him on Twitter (@SteveSebelius) or reach him at 702-387-5276 or SSebelius@reviewjournal.com.