SPLITTING THE BILL

Talk about a meal causing indigestion.

Five years ago, Diedra Smith joined a good friend and her group at a comedy club. Smith ordered chicken fingers and a beer. Cost? Twelve dollars. Total she paid after the bill was divided equally among 20 people? Seventy dollars. Lesson learned? Priceless.

Sometimes, settling a tab when dining with a large group can cause more heartburn than the food itself.

Chances are, if you eat out, you fall into one of two camps regarding bill splitting: The "I ate this, I'll pay for this" camp or the "everyone pays the same because we're one big happy group" group.

But what happens if you order a salad and that guy three chairs down orders the lobster? That's when a nice meal can turn into a fiscal nightmare, depending on how diners approach paying the bill.

If you've ever shared a restaurant meal with friends, co-workers or acquaintances, you've faced this moment. It lasts only a few seconds but can be a significant passage that reveals whether your companions are givers or takers, just and fair or just unfair. And it can make or break personal and professional relationships.

"I didn't know what to say at first," Smith recalls of that night. She was young, single and new to the group while most of the others were married and knew each other. Short on funds, Smith had not budgeted for a $70 night out so she took her friend to the restroom and told her as much.

"She said, 'You can't expect to just pay for yourself in a group like that,' " recalls Smith, marketing and special events coordinator for the Sterling Club at Turnberry Place. "The way she called me out didn't sit well with me. That was more tacky than anything. I definitely felt disrespected that night."

Everyone went into that situation with a preconceived idea of how the bill would be handled. It just wasn't the same idea, Smith says.

You can easily avoid such problems by settling the bill before it comes, say restaurant managers and etiquette experts.

In fact, before you get to the restaurant, determine who will handle the money at the end of the meal, says Florozeen Gray, owner of Protocol Etiquette School of Nevada. When the bill arrives, give that person the amount you owe. Don't forget to factor in the amount of tax and tip with the price of your food and drinks. Gray says to add 27 percent to your bill, which will cover the tax and tip.

"That's the proper way for large groups," Gray says. "You could split it evenly, but sometimes that's not fair to the person who had just a salad."

Asking people to pay for food or drinks they didn't consume can cause hard feelings, Gray adds, and it's bad manners. In Smith's case, her experience cost more than $70; it cost her the friendship.

"We've all been there," says financial planner Steve Budin, owner of the Budin Group. He frequently eats out for business and pleasure. "When the check comes, it's a moment when you're going to see what that other person is about. I was taught at an early age that you can learn a lot about how a person will do business by how they play a round of golf. I think the dining experience is the same way."

Unless he does the inviting and is picking up the whole tab, Budin says he expects to split a bill equally, so long as everyone orders similarly priced food and drinks. If he happens to be the light eater at the meal and the lobster lover expects him to divide the bill evenly, Budin pays up without a word.

"To me, the extra five dollars or 10 dollars is not worth souring our relationship," Budin explains. "But I would certainly ask myself if I want to do business with you in the future. If you're going to scam out that way, what else are you doing? That says a lot about your character."

Most people dining in a group don't think about the issue of the check until it arrives, says Jerry Kring, owner of Ollie's Tavern, adding that they should make their decision before ordering.

"No one's ever been shot" over a tab in his restaurant, Kring says, and people haven't openly argued about it. Sometimes, though, diners try to get the server or manager to decide, which is the wrong approach.

"They're your friends, don't bring us into it. We'll do the math but we're not going to tell you how to pay for it," Kring says.

You won't have this problem if you tell the waiter or manager how you want your bill handled before you order, says John Hinchliffe, manager of McCormick & Schmick's Seafood Restaurant. Today's cash registers are designed to do several transactions in a matter of seconds, so it's not hard to ask for, and get, separate checks.

"Just do it at the beginning. When you tell us at the beginning we can do a lot of things. At the end it becomes very difficult," Hinchliffe notes.

Or, this could be the only appropriate time to use your cell phone during a meal; some come equipped with dining calculators, which enable users to figure out their exact share, including tax and tip.

Dining out with a group isn't necessarily about the food, Kring says, it's about the conversation and company. It helps to approach this kind of dining experience with the attitude that you're spending quality time with friends.

"Consider the cost an entertainment tax and the food is free," Kring suggests.

But if you find yourself in situations where you're routinely paying for someone to have a bottle of wine while you sip water, ask yourself if it's worth it. Would a friend do that? Probably not.

"I'm a firm believer in what goes around, comes around," Budin says. "If someone's going to stick me on a couple (of) glasses of wine, they'll get theirs in the end."

Now, Smith says she wouldn't allow herself to be browbeaten into paying more than she owed; she would speak up and not feel embarrassed about it.

"I learned several lessons from that experience," says Smith, 31. "First, to be prepared. Bring cash and small bills. Second, I learned to tell the server, 'I'd like a separate check, please.' "

Contact reporter Sonya Padgett at spadgett@reviewjournal.com or (702) 380-4564.