10 things Lorde did when she came to Las Vegas

Pop star Lorde, 17 of New Zealand, came to Vegas and things happened.

1. Lorde posted photos of the Little White Chapel along with this text teasing fans and media: “TRUE ROMANCE,” “QUIET,” “Wedding in progress,” and “Bridesmaids!!!”

2. Everyone concluded she might be getting married to boyfriend James Lowe.

3. A woman at E! sent a note to Lowe inquiring as to whether this might be his marriage to Lorde.

4. Lorde publicly posted this smackdown of the E! person reportedly, but I can’t find the Tweet so did she delete it or are my eyes wrong?:

“You have officially hit the big time when creeps from E think wearing rings means getting married.”

5. It turned out someone Lorde knows was getting married. So she was just trying with everyone via social media the whole time. No harm, no foul, except for the E! business.

6. Lorde titled the hit song that made her famous, “Royals,” because when she was a kid she saw a magazine photo of Kansas City Royals’ slugger George Brett signing an autograph. She liked the word. She and Brett have previously tried meeting to say hello. They finally did so at the Cosmopolitan, with Brett’s wife. He gave her an autographed jersey. They were both thrilled, and that’s a nice story, for real.

7. Lorde played in concert at the Cosmopolitan, and our rock critic Jason Bracelin liked it, giving her a “B,” just to remind us why we all liked Lorde in the first place.

8. From the Cosmopolitan pool roof, Lorde Tweeted:

“las vegas, you never-sleeping dream, thankyou for letting us decorate your rooftops”

9. I realized for the first time Lorde’s Twitter bio simply quotes a fellow performer. Her bio reads:

“no, i am not singing for you. -conor oberst”

That suggest Lorde sings for herself only, and for you and me never. Which I doubt.

10. I am now climbing my high horse to deliver the following monologue.

Lorde is 17. Let’s all just take a step back, take a breath, and remember what it was like to be 17.

Now, imagine yourself at 17 and add worldwide fame and the promise of a lifetime of unlimited wealth.

Yeah. I wouldn’t wish that hell on myself at 17, let alone a really skillful singer from New Zealand who reminds me I should go listen again to the early albums of Regina Spektor.