Donny and Marie Osmond and Dirk Arthur: ‘Xtreme Magic’ and ‘Marriage Can Be Murder’

Christmas in Vegas. Yeah, it's still a punch line.

Of course I'm not talking about real life away from the Strip. But the entertainment industry's spotty embrace of the holiday may have you ready to crack that joke about showgirls in two-piece Santa suits.

Fire away. The holly jolly midriffs are part of magician Dirk Arthur's "Xtreme Magic Holiday Spectacular," one of three shows claiming they've done enough holiday decorating to bait the family traffic along the Strip.

But no one gets too carried away. Even Donny Osmond, unopposed and elected by proclamation as Father Christmas on the Strip, tells his Flamingo audience he and sister Marie "didn't want to fill (their show) full of Christmas songs, just a few here and there."

Can't blame any of them, I guess. The next week may well find Christmas cheer outnumbered by those of other faiths, or empty-nesters who came to escape nostalgia.

Arthur -- who adds an evening show to his afternoon schedule while "Folies Bergere" is on break -- is a safe bet for local or tourist families who do find themselves on the town, even if he didn't exactly knock himself out with the Christmas thing.

Santa is name-checked in a trick with novelty chattering teeth. A young lad pulled to the stage is Velcroed into an elf costume. And the big jolly guy eventually pops out of a box in one of the illusions. That's about it. Not even the sentimental "make it snow" trick where magicians sometimes recall Christmases past.

But the real stars are the animals that run up a big grocery bill, and they're a year-round attraction. White tigers, black leopards and even some "Island of Dr. Moreau" thing called a "liger" add an extra punch to Arthur's done-to-death illusions.

When a couple of thin young women scrunch into Arthur's "shadow box," you think, "No problem hiding them." But when they're replaced by a 600-pound Bengal tiger that fills up nearly every square inch, you have yourself some old-fashioned Vegas stage magic.

No one expects anything too warm and fuzzy at a show called "Marriage Can Be Murder." But a drop-in visit (not for the duration of the show) uncovered a fun atmosphere with cocktail servers dressed like elves. Hostess April Herbert (subbing this night for the usual star, Jayne Post) cons the Four Queens dinner audience into jangling car keys and singing "Jingle Bells" before gunfire erupts.

Realizing he has a captive audience, the perp (Gary Alexander) makes the most of his hostage situation by crooning "The Wonder of You," then changes it to "Blue Christmas" in honor of the season. When he keeps singing it even after he's been gut-shot by the police, that's real Christmas ham.

Holiday reinforcements arrive this weekend with Clint Holmes a sure bet at the Suncoast, Susan Anton at South Point and the holiday "Legends in Concert" at the Imperial Palace. But Donny and Marie top this trio of slackers, if only for the bonus points of showroom Christmas trees and an Andy Williams sighting in one of the video flashbacks.

The two lead their punchy band through "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town," and Marie croons "Blue Christmas" in a comic bit with a guy she pulls from the crowd. But Donny is the bold one for singing "A Soldier's King," which is not only an actual religious song, but an obscure one at that.

If it's the thought that counts, Donny and Marie already have a huge head start in spreading good will, high-fives and hugs to longtime fans.

Though I just saw their regular show two months ago, I'm still amazed at how, after almost their entire lives in show business, the toothy teens of the past now seem like late bloomers just entering their prime. The whole "cougar" thing started up just in time for Marie's hubba-hubba era. As the guy she hauled up onstage observed, "That diet worked!"

But I still can't decide if the eight dancers' intrusive choreography and ridiculous costumes are retro camp, or just plain bad.

At the end, the crowd sings along to "Jingle Bells" while Marie tosses candy canes from a Santa hat. We'll consider that a down payment on a real Christmas show next year, when the siblings are more settled. We want the red sweaters, the children's choir, the Danny Gans walk-on. By then, maybe we'll all remember this year as just so much humbug.

Contact reporter Mike Weatherford at mweatherford@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0288.