Mohr slaps comedic shots

Comedian Jay Mohr does stand-up today-Sunday at Harrah's Improv -- just a few days after hosting the NHL Awards at the Palms. Two of his best hockey jokes:

■ "Mark Recchi retired right after the Finals -- unlike LeBron James, who retired right before the (NBA) Finals."

■ "I've got a brand-new baby boy. ... He's 8 weeks old, and, like many of the men in this room, he has no teeth."

Mohr tells me he was honestly alarmed by the violence of the NHL Finals.

"Guys were biting each other's fingers off," he says. "When the going gets tough, the tough turn into toddlers."

I mocked Mohr for naming his son Meredith, his second child with actress-wife Nikki Cox. But he cut me off to say Meredith is named "after his grandfather, who was in the CIA -- so tread lightly."

"We're bringing Meredith back. It was a man's name until World War II."

Mohr, a Jersey native, also blogs about "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" for Bravo.com. He loves how housewives make mountainous fights out of molehill arguments.

"But there isn't a molehill. They have to make one from scratch," he says. "They have to hastily and angrily construct a fake molehill, then turn that into a mountain.

"And everything in New Jersey is in a strip mall," he says. "It's like, 'Then they go shopping for couture in a strip mall!' "

CLUB STAR SCHEDULE

FRIDAY: 1) Steve Aoki spins at Surrender. 2) Jay Sean performs at Pure. 3) Armand van Helden DJs at Gallery. 4) Twista raps at Jet. 5) Keith Richards' model daughter Alexandra DJs at the Bank. 6) Pauly D DJs at Rain.

SATURDAY: 1) Shaq's retirement party is at Moon, featuring Pauly D. 2) Britney Spears goes to Club Nikki after Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell host a Vegas mag party there. 3) Martin Solveig DJs at Wet Republic. 4) Taio Cruz performs "Dynamite" at Chateau. 5) Singer-DJ Calvin Harris does Surrender. 6) Yolanda Be Cool performs at Encore Beach Club. 7) Nicole Scherzinger parties at Tao. 8) Benny Benassi DJs at Tao Beach. 9) Dirty South and Roger Sanchez DJs at Marquee Dayclub. 10) Jay Sean performs at Venus Pool Club. 11) Chuckie DJs at Marquee.

SUNDAY: 1) Afrojack DJs at Encore Beach Club. 2) Avicii DJs at Marquee Dayclub. 3) Above & Beyond DJs with EC Twins at Tao Beach.

Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.