Parents try to keep pace with kids in tech world

All parents know the day will come when their kids ask the big question, the question they knew would come someday, the question for which they've been trying to articulate an answer ever since the kids were born.

"Mom and Dad, can I get a cellphone?"

What question did you think we were talking about?

Anyway, call it digital connectedness, the state we've created for ourselves by inviting the entire world into our lives 24/7 via mobile phones, social networking sites and other technological marvels.

Considering how tightly parents cling to their own electronic umbilical cords, it's not surprising that their kids would want in, too. But knowing when a child is ready to explore this electronic wilderness isn't easy.

For one thing, many of them are already there.

A study by the Pew Internet & American Life Project found that 58 percent of American 12-year-olds own a cellphone, versus just 18 percent in 2004. Meanwhile, 73 percent of American teenagers use social networking sites, and 66 percent of teenagers send or receive text messages.

Jennifer Basquiat, a professor of communications and cultural anthropology at the College of Southern Nevada, said many of her son's first-grade classmates already carry cellphones.

"My reaction was, 'Are you kidding me?' " said Basquiat (whose son doesn't have one).

Deciding whether to get a child a cellphone or to allow a child onto a social networking site is "a very personal decision," Basquiat said, and one that depends largely on family circumstances.

For example, Basquiat and her husband arrange their schedules to drop off their children at school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. But if their first-grader was in an after-school program or was "just walking home by himself and letting himself in the house on his own ... I would think a cellphone is a practical idea," Basquiat said.

If it ever does come to that, she added, "we've made it clear, both my husband and I, that it won't be a smartphone, (so) get used to that idea."

Basquiat admitted that the thought of loading down children with technology gives her pause. Kids, she said, already are "pushed to grow up far faster than we've ever asked them before.

"It's troubling. You can't un-ring that bell. Even the most basic prepaid (cell)phone begins, I think, an avalanche of technology."

Particularly confusing is that a child's age offers nothing but a general idea about whether he or she is ready to assume the responsibility of using social technology tools.

"There is not a magic age," said Katherine Hertlein, an associate professor in the University of Nevada, Las Vegas' marriage and family therapy department.

"You've got to look at a child's development," she said. "Certain children and adolescents are more mature than other children and adolescents, and certain children and adolescents are, maybe, less mature than other children and adolescents."

One potential gauge, Hertlein said, is how well a child responds to boundaries.

"If you set a boundary, a limit -- say, 'You can have a Facebook account, but here are the only people you can talk to or post to' -- how responsible is the child to those boundaries?"

Whatever a parent's answer, both parent and child should discuss the benefits (easy contact between parent and child, a tool for use in emergencies) and the risks (predatory strangers, bullying, sexually oriented material) of the technology.

Donna Wilburn, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said it's the nature of social networking and mobile texting to create a "spider web" of associations formed by friends and their friends.

A parent who decides to give a child a cellphone or allow a child to join a social networking site should provide supervision no less diligent than they'd provide if the child was meeting friends in real life, Wilburn said.

"Do you know who your child is connecting with? Are you supervising who they're connecting with?" she said, adding that, as a general rule, "the younger the child, the more supervision they need."

A parent should feel free to place conditions on a child's use of the technology, Wilburn said. For example, the parent might require that he or she be permitted to read the child's text messages or peruse his or her Facebook postings.

Parents also might wish to place usage curbs on kids' cellphones. Verizon Wireless, for example, offers a roster of features that includes time and day usage restrictions and blocks of specific numbers, said company spokeswoman Jenny Weaver.

Make sure the child understands that if he or she wants to use a technology, "there can be conditions and it will be supervised and it will be limited," Wilburn said.

Also look for signs of overuse or dependence, Wilburn said -- if the child is relying on Facebook and avoiding face-to-face interaction, or using text messages as a substitute for real conversations.

"Kids need to develop good social skills, and the best way to do that is through live interaction, not virtual," Wilburn said.

Look, too, for signs that the child is experiencing stress from cyberbullying, inappropriate communication or another negative occurrence via texting or social media.

"After they get off the computer, are they angry or upset, or are there signs there might be cyberbullying going on?" Wilburn said. "That happens a lot."

Contact reporter John Przybys at jprzybys@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0280.