Resisting Temptation

Name every highly addictive drug you can think of -- heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, Ecstasy -- Justin has used them all.

Each one causes its own distinctive high, some so powerful that the user can become instantly hooked. None of them made Justin feel as euphoric as the act of following a woman through a parking lot and flashing her as she got into her car.

He likens the feeling to snorting cocaine for the first time.

"I've done all kinds of different drugs and I can tell you, nothing produced the same kind of rush that exposing myself did," says Justin, 33.

Justin is a recovering sex addict and a member of the local chapter of Sex Addicts Anonymous, a support group modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous in which people practice 12 steps to recovery. He declines to give his last name, because he fears the social stigma of being labeled a sex addict. He has been in therapy and attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings since 2005.

Some people don't believe that sex can be an addiction, he says, while others think it's funny and that, if you're going to have an addiction, nothing could be better than one involving sex.

But therapists and addicts say the condition is real. And it is not funny. Unchecked, a sex addiction can wreak havoc on not only the addict's life but the lives of those surrounding him or her.

About 11 percent of the population suffers from some type of addiction, and about 3 percent to 6 percent of those are thought to be sex addicts, says Kat Hertlein, a counseling professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas who studies infidelity and sex and technology. It can be masked, or exacerbated, by alcohol or drug abuse.

In some ways, sex addiction is similar to an alcohol or drug addiction, says Hertlein, who also has counseled sex addicts in her private practice.

It involves compulsive sexual activity that impairs a person's ability to function in other areas, such as work and relationships, she explains. It can manifest in many ways: compulsive masturbation, obsessive viewing of pornography, voyeurism, and exhibitionism, as well as promiscuity.

Serial infidelity, as is alleged in Tiger Woods' case, can point to a sex addiction, Hertlein says.

Calls to the Sex Addicts Anonymous hot line have increased since the golfer's car accident in November, his reported marriage problems and his recently rumored stay in a sex rehabilitation center, says Mitchell, an unofficial organizer for the group who also declines to give his last name because of the group's policy of anonymity.

The local chapter used to receive one or two calls a day, Mitchell says, but since the Woods story broke, that has increased to about five calls a day from people wanting more information. On Feb. 19, when Woods gave a statement about his recent difficulties, the hot line received five calls in only a few hours, Mitchell adds.

Even though Woods didn't specifically say that he is a sex addict, he did refer to receiving treatment and therapy. "His speech sounds like he just came right out of one of our meetings," Mitchell notes.

It is not known publicly whether Woods considers himself a sex addict, but people are talking about it, Mitchell says. That discussion lends credibility to the problem and in turn helps those struggling with it.

It can be difficult to tell the difference between normal sexual behavior and a sexual addiction, Hertlein says. People cheat on their significant others all the time; that doesn't make them a sex addict. People can have multiple partners and frequent sex without being an addict, she adds. A sex addict's behavior causes distress; he or she also can build a tolerance, requiring more intense encounters to achieve the same level of satisfaction, she says.

Without treatment, a sex addiction can have life-altering consequences such as unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, rape, divorce, job loss, financial ruin and legal problems, among others, Hertlein says.

"I've had VD, herpes, unwanted pregnancy, divorce, legal problems," says Justin, who was twice convicted for exposing himself.

When his sex addiction began to spiral out of control, Justin lived what looked like a normal life. He was a college student in California, had a girlfriend, a family, a job. But he also had a porn habit and cheated on his girlfriend multiple times, he says. And he was obsessed with the thought of exposing himself to women. He would approach women walking alone or in pairs, flash himself, and then leave.

"I knew I was acting in an indecent manner and that was absolutely opposed to my moral standards," Justin says. "I couldn't even justify it to myself, but I could not stop."

Feeling out of control can be a hallmark of an addiction.

"I've talked to people for my research who say, 'I really want to stop but I don't know how,' " Hertlein says, adding that the public perception of sex addicts is that they are "people who aren't interested in their current relationship and engage in sexual behaviors because they don't care about their partner. I think it's viewed as a selfish problem, but that's not the case."

Psychotherapy can treat sex addiction by getting to the root of the problem and teaching the addict how to control his or her behavior. But a sex addiction requires constant vigilance, Justin says.

"Sex is part of who we are, we all do it," Justin says. "It runs to the core of who we are. It's biological.

"If I don't want to do coke again I change people, places, situations and I never do it again. With sex, I walk into the grocery store and my drug is there (walking) in the frozen food aisle."

In 2004, shortly after he got married, Justin logged onto his computer to look at porn and discovered that someone had sent him an e-mail with the subject line "Are you a sex addict?" It was most likely spam, he says, but it changed his life. He took a short self-assessment on the Sex Addicts Anonymous Web site and realized he was a sex addict. After two arrests for public exposure, one in California and the other in Nevada, his three year marriage ended in 2007. Justin got treatment and joined Sex Addicts Anonymous. He still attends weekly meetings.

Although experts believe that most sex addicts are men, it can affect women, too.

"It's cost me a lot. It's always costing me," says Trixie, a local woman with a sex addiction. She declines to use her last name because she belongs to Sex Addicts Anonymous.

For years, Trixie, 50, says she trolled bars for sex partners when the mood hit her. That could come at any time of day or week and took precedence over work, home, her husband and kids. She yearned to emotionally connect with others and thought sex was the way to do it. It never worked.

"When it's over you're just about as empty as you were when you started," she explains. "You feel bad for a little while and then do it all over again."

At times, Trixie placed herself in danger to feed her addiction. The more dangerous the situation, she says, the greater the endorphin high. Once, she chatted up a man in a parking lot. He put a knife to her throat. She says she has been raped, had a gun held to her head, had sex with men she didn't know.

She was tormented by her behavior.

"It really doesn't make sense because you're going out and doing this really self-destructive stuff but afterward, you hate yourself," Trixie says. "It's such a bizarre place to be. I blamed it on my hormones at one point. You try every way to justify doing what you're doing."

Her behavior damaged relationships with her children, now grown, and contributed to the end of her marriage.

Trixie says she had always wanted to stop her behavior but felt out of control. Then, six years ago, an experience pushed her to seek help. Trixie got drunk at a casino. A man carried her to a cab and took her to his hotel room in another casino. The next morning, he kicked her out.

"I looked at him, thinking 'I cannot believe I was ever drunk enough to touch that.' " she recalls. "I said: 'God, don't give me a day like that again.' I had to call my kids because I didn't know where I was.

"With all the gang rapes that have ever happened to me, that was the most disgusting thing."

She hasn't gone to therapy, yet. Trixie says the Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings help her, although she is abstinent by choice. She says she is too afraid of relapsing, and still is learning how to form healthy relationships.

"I'm just living one day at a time," she says.

Contact reporter Sonya Padgett at spadgett@ reviewjournal.com or 702-380-4564.