Families get place to share grief

Survivors know it doesn't end with the death of a loved one.

Those special bonds don't break. The unanswered questions weigh heavily.

After one grieving mother struggled in vain to find a place in the valley to help ease her family's pain, she decided to create her own in honor of the son she lost.

For Kelly Thomas-Boyers, losing her oldest son, Adam, in a car accident three years ago was devastating.

Adam Thomas was on his way to a movie in Reno when the SUV he was riding in rolled over.

The 21-year-old was not wearing his seat belt and was ejected from the vehicle.

He lapsed into a coma and died eight days later.

But when his family moved to Las Vegas, they couldn't find adequate support groups to help with the grieving process, particularly for Adam's little brother, Alex. There were peer support groups at school, but it wasn't enough.

"I'm still going through it," said Alex Thomas, who is now 19. "It's something you never get over. The wound's still fresh, but it's good to talk about it. I realize how hard it is.

"As much as I don't want a child to go through that, I know they will."

So, three years later, Kelly Thomas-Boyers channeled her family's experience into a project called Adam's Place Grief Center for Children and Families.

The year-round grief resource center for kids ages 3 to 18 and their families is slated to open in July. Adam's Place is working together with Reno-based Solace Tree and relies on donations and grants for funding.

Thomas-Boyers said it was difficult to find a place to cope with her pain. Even schoolteachers and trauma workers told her they called around unsuccessfully to find resources for children who experience sudden and traumatic losses.

"It's support groups like this where you can feel comfortable because everyone as had the same experience. It helps move through the process," she said.

The group found a modest home on the busy corner of South Decatur Boulevard and West Pioneer Avenue.

A small playground is in the backyard. The inside needs some elbow grease. The sky blue paint is peeling off the walls in the entrance. There's an eerie presence inside the former preschool, where children colored with crayons and read books about dinosaurs while their parents worked during the day.

Hard times fell on the previous owners who locked the doors, entombing the childhood memories from the day they walked away almost a year ago. Books are strewn about the shelves and toys and small chairs clutter the walkways.

Now it will serve a new purpose by providing free resources to grieving children and their families dealing with death. Adam's Place plans to recycle the forgotten books and toys to help brothers and sisters feel better.

Jennifer Keene, a sociology professor at University of Nevada, Las Vegas, said society doesn't do enough talking about the concept of death with children and the valley needs a grief center.

"It shows how much of a need there is for this," Keene said. "The idea out there is that we worry about grown-ups but children are resilient, they can take care of themselves. But we know that's not true. We've suffered because of people's denial and worry about upsetting children."

When Joan Wilkins lost a seven-year battle with breast cancer in January 2003, her teenage daughter felt very alone. The hospital visits, the chemotherapy, the hair loss and the drugs -- none of it resonated as strongly with Jacqueline Wilkins as the feeling that she had been abandoned.

She was living with her father and two brothers, but there was no way for her to deal with her mother's death.

Even after seven years, those memories haven't faded. She had volunteered at Solace Tree as a way to help her cope.

Now 23, Wilkins hopes to use the lessons she learned at the Reno center to pave the way for the new volunteer program in Las Vegas.

Volunteers will undergo a background check and complete the 12 hours of training needed to qualify. There are 15 volunteers so far, Wilkins said, but the group is aiming for 50.

"I basically listen to the kids tell their stories and let them know they're not alone," Wilkins said. "Everyone goes through grief. It's cyclical.

"It's OK to be sad. You're going to be sad for a long time. There's a tremendous impact. People are always experiencing grief if they've lost a loved one. Adam's Place is a good way for kids to just go and be kids and be able to communicate."

From her volunteer experience, Wilkins said an 8-year-old boy sticks out in her mind. His father had shot himself on the front lawn, committing suicide in front of the son.

"He has a vivid memory of that happening," she said. "He'll tell you what happened exactly. The trauma it had on this child was amazing. I went through the grief process with him.

"We need to provide a sense of comfort for these children."

Contact Kristi Jourdan at kjourdan@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0279.