Flu fighter Griffin coming to Mirage

Kathy Griffin is recovering from the bird flu. So when she performs stand-up Saturday at The Mirage, she will be "spreading my negativity like a dirty bird virus all up and down the Strip," she says.

Because Griffin ridicules the Kardashian family so much, she suspects "every Kardashian is thrilled" with her bird flu news.

"They're so wealthy, they probably could start a strain of viruses themselves and send it to my house," she jokes.

It makes Griffin even sicker to know Kim Kardashian picked up a $600,000 check to make nightclub appearances in Vegas for a few years.

"Here's what my show's gonna be at The Mirage," she says. "I'm gonna walk onstage, I'm gonna hold up Kim Kardashian's check, and blow my (expletive) brains out."

Griffin's comedy and TV appearances make her a barometer of who's hot in showbiz. If she mocks a celeb, they're "in." If not, they're "out."

So who's on her mind lately? Paris Hilton, her friend Anderson Cooper, Ryan Seacrest, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, the Republican presidential field, a guy who made the news for having a sexual relationship with his car, the "Real Housewives," and her recent run-ins with Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Bruno Mars.

When she bumps into stars at awards shows, she says, "They usually run in horror" from her.

Griffin's Bravo hit, "My Life on the D-List," is over. But starting April 17, she launches a new weekly talk show on Bravo.

"As you know, I've been banned and rebanned from many shows, such as 'The View' and 'Ellen,' " she says. "I decided the only way to fight that was to get my own show -- and see at some point if I have to ban myself."

RUNAWAY BRIDE

On Friday, Hugh Hefner's almost-bride from last June, Playmate Crystal Harris, guest hosts at Posh club-lounge inside Crazy Horse III strip club.

A few weekends ago, Harris, 25, finally went back to the Playboy mansion and talked with Hef, 85, for about one minute, she says.

"Hopefully, things will get to a good place" between them, Harris tells me. "You know, he's fine. He's got three new girlfriends, so he's doing pretty well for himself, but he always has."

I asked Harris for thoughts on Holly Madison's criticisms of her last year. But Harris pleasantly said, "I don't want to talk about that, I'm sorry."

Harris is single.

"Single's the best way to be, especially after all the stuff I went through," she says.

What kind of man is she looking for?

"I don't really have a type. Personality is important -- someone I can have fun with."

This summer, she's opening a lingerie and costume store called Ever After in Studio City, a short drive from her home in West Hollywood off the Sunset Strip.

"All my friends are models, so we've got the model part covered," she says and giggles.

BRITNEY HEADLINING VEGAS?

FOR REAL, Y'ALL?: Britney Spears is mulling over an offer to star in a showroom residency at an unnamed Vegas hotel, reports Sharon Waxman on entertainment site TheWrap.com. Britney's competition would be all the Britney impressionists on the Strip.

THAT WAS QUICK: RPM nightclub closes March 24 at Tropicana. It's being taken over by One Group, which runs STK at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. The transition into Bagatelle Beach & Nightclub is April 1.

VEGAS REALITY TV: Las Vegas is the setting for "The Ricardo Laguna Project," premiering 9 p.m. Wednesday on MTV Tr3s, starring Vegas BMX star Ricardo Laguna.

Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. E-mail him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.