How about we start the Keep Your Hands Off network?

I know this will upset many people, but I miss my newscasters who have been fired for sexual misconduct. I’d like to start a new channel on TV with the call letters KYHO — Keep Your Hands Off — and we would include a disclaimer that you can watch at your own discretion.

KYHO could be billed as “alternative news” and feature shows with Bill O’Reilly, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Kevin Spacey, Dustin Hoffman, Eric Bolling, Al Franken, Tavis Smiley and Garrison Keillor. We would air a cooking show with Mario Batali.

I would watch because their professional experiences are all that I’m interested in. And since I’m miles away from any personal contact, they can be punished by society but still educate me on the news of the day.