Hot dog: Amateur just can’t cut the mustard

Sometimes, things are better left to the professionals.

Consider the case of Brian Read, a pitcher for the Seacoast Mavericks of the Futures Collegiate Baseball League, who attempted to tap into his inner Joey Chestnut but wound up almost choking to death and needing surgery.

Read participated in a hot dog eating contest Sunday that was based on who could eat one hot dog and bun with no water the fastest. Read, 19, who attends Jefferson College in Natchez, Miss., was falling behind and tried to catch up by swallowing the hot dog whole. Part of it lodged in his throat.

Read was rushed to a hospital, where doctors surgically removed an inch and a half of hot dog.

“I started swallowing really prematurely. I didn’t chew my food very well,” he said.

You think?

Read said he is just happy he can eat again. He went out to lunch Tuesday, but did not order any hot dogs, opting instead for a cheeseburger.

“I was taking the smallest bites and chewing it to a ground pulp,” Read said.

The lesson here, kids, is when your parents tell you to chew your food, do as they say. Even Chestnut was chewing those 69 hot dogs he managed to cram down his throat Thursday during the Nathan’s Fourth of July hot dog eating contest, as disgusting as it might have looked.

■ NO THANKS, SACRAMENTO — What’s going on in Sacramento? Why don’t any NBA players want to play for the Kings? And why do those on the current roster not want to stay?

As free agency’s first week unfolded, Andre Iguodala hemmed and hawed at the Kings’ $52 million offer, and when they pulled it, Iguodala moved on and agreed to a $48 million deal with Golden State on Friday. The Kings also dangled a boatload of money at Jose Calderon, but the veteran guard declined the offer.

Tyreke Evans was willing to take less money to become a New Orleans Pelican, and the Kings wound up trading him as part of a three-way deal with the Trail Blazers. At least they got something back in Pelicans guard Greivis Vasquez.

But it begs the question: Do these players know the team is under new management with a new basketball administration and a new arena to be built?

Or maybe they just don’t want to be DeMarcus Cousins’ teammate.

■ BARTOLI’S QUIRKS — When Sabine Lisicki play Marion Bartoli today in the women’s singles final at Wimbledon, she’ll have more to deal with than Bartoli’s serve or her slice backhand. She’d better be prepared for all of Bartoli’s quirky rituals.

What can she expect? Bartoli is never still. She’s always hopping and moving around, awaiting her opponent’s serve. She’ll swing her racket in the air much like a boxer might shadow box, and when it’s her turn to serve, you can expect her to bounce the ball exactly six times before she hits.

Oh, and don’t disturb her before the match. She probably will be taking a nap an hour before it begins.

It probably won’t bother Lisicki, 23. She is 3-1 lifetime against Bartoli, 28.

COMPILED BY STEVE CARP
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL