Jerry Jones references ‘crippled cricket’s’ rear end to express sadness over Romo injury

When Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones discovered that quarterback Tony Romo suffered a broken collarbone Sunday, he was devastated.

How low was he?

"Just about as low as a crippled cricket's ass," Jones, who grew up in Arkansas, told the Dallas Morning News. "And I was feeling sorry for myself. I thought the world was picking on me. How could anybody be as bad off as me?"

The billionaire's ridiculous latter assertion aside, we can't help but love his comment about the crippled cricket. As such, we'd be much obliged if y'all allow us to sprinkle some Southern sayings into the rest of this story about Jones, who's got enough money to burn a wet mule. In other words, he's so rich he buys a new boat when he gets the other one wet.

With Romo out for eight weeks, Jones has to hatch his plan for whatcha gonna do when the crick runs dry.

Despite the fact that many fans believe Cowboys backup quarterback Brandon Weeden is about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule, Jones sounded like he was grinnin' like a possum eating a sweet tater Tuesday while talking about Weeden on Dallas radio station 105.3 The Fan.

"This quarterback Weeden can drive the ball down field," Jones said. "He's a thing of beauty on throwing a football. His passing motion and his arm, frankly, you won't see a more gifted passer, power, accuracy, the entire aspect of it."

That dog won't hunt. Jones sounds drunker than Cooter Brown making those comments unless by calling Weeden a gifted passer he means gifting passes to the other team.

Weeden, who was released by the Cleveland Browns after two seasons, has thrown more interceptions (28) than touchdowns (27) in his career. In August, he actually said, "God forbid I am forced to play," so Jones shouldn't be surprised if Weeden is as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.

It didn't take long for ol' Jerrah to have a hankerin' for another quarterback. Only a few hours after singing Weeden's praises Tuesday morning, the Cowboys acquired Matt Cassel in a trade with the Buffalo Bills. Cassel is slated to back up Weeden on Sunday against the Atlanta Falcons, but it wouldn't surprise us if he quickly supplants him as the starter. Jones is slicker than a greased pig at the county fair.