Pleasant afternoon at 51s game not exactly a priceless memory

I have this theory that if one is married, betrothed or otherwise spoken for, one can't leave the house without dropping a minimum of $40 if admission, food and an adult beverage are part of the equation. Plus tip.

So when Minor League Baseball put out a news release claiming a family of four could watch a game for $61.23 - compared to the 2011 major league rate of $197.35 - I was skeptical. If I could raise one eyebrow like John Belushi or Spock from "Star Trek," I would have done so.

With Sunday being a beautiful day for a ballgame at Cashman Field, the logical thing to do - in deference to Spock - was to find a family of four and keep a running tab.

I got to the ballyard early, and bothered multiple families of three and five, a couple families of six and one family of eight, which had mortgaged its house for peanuts and Cracker Jack and seats in the shady section behind home plate.

Finally, I found a family of four. Tom Hallett, his wife, Kathy, and their kids, Owen and Olivia, made it easy by wearing dark green and old gold baseball caps, polo shirts and baseball jerseys. Dark green and old gold are the colors of the Paseo Verde Little League, in which Tom coaches and Owen pitches.

Owen, 12, even threw out the first pitch before the game against Tacoma. I could tell from the crowd's ovation that he threw a strike. But I missed it, because the dad from the family of eight still was crying on my shoulder.

Before we plug in the adding machines and calculators, it should be noted that the aforementioned $61.23 figure is for all of Minor League Baseball. And that the 51s are considered a Triple-A franchise, though you couldn't tell it from much of April. And that the official Fan Index for a family of four to attend a fine display of Triple-A ball - or even the way the 51s play it - is a bit higher, at $69.07.

The index is derived by using the price of two adult tickets, two child tickets, four hot dogs, two sodas, two beers, a program and parking.

It costs only $54.08 for a family of four to watch a game in short-season Class A or the Rookie leagues. This might not be a reason for a guy my age to start a family, but it's good to know that I could adopt a couple of 12-year-old middle infielders for a night and almost afford to take them to a Pulaski Mariners game, if I'm ever in Pulaski.

Reserved tickets for a 51s game usually cost $10. But because Sunday was Little League Day, Owen and Olivia got in free since they were wearing their jerseys and Tom, a P.E. teacher at Roger Gehring Elementary School, and Kathy, a research assistant for the orthopedic surgeon Dr. Michael Crovetti, got in for $7 each.

Had they paid the usual rate, it would have been $40 for tickets, plus $4 to park. And before they even found their seats, Tom and Owen had hot dogs ($8), Kathy had a soft pretzel ($3) and Olivia had chicken fingers and fries ($6). The Hallett family washed it all down by splitting two giant 32-ounce soft-drink tankards ($10).

(Insert loud buzzer noise here.)

As Adam Sandler said to Bob Barker in "Happy Gilmore," the price is wrong, Bob.

Take away the free tickets and the Hallett family already would have been at $71 - $1.93 over the Triple-A average - and it was only the top of the first.

And this was without beers, and without a trip to the 51s' souvenir store. Cha-ching-a-ding-ding.

"I think it's safe to say we're pretty much done," Tom Hallett said as he dabbed at a bit of ballpark mustard at the corner of his mouth.

Pretty much done but not totally done, as Kathy later went to snag a couple of snow cones for the kids ($10) in the top of the fourth inning, and finally got to the front of the line in the top of the sixth.

(Note to Cashman Field vendors: Trade in the cotton candy for Hawaiian Ice. You'll make money hand over fist when the weather is warm.)

(Note to Kathy Hallett: You should have waited until the home sixth, because Adeiny Hechavarria hit a tweener in the gap, and though he was thrown out at third by like eight feet trying to stretch it into a triple, the fans behind both dugouts gave him a standing ovation, because he was hustling, and because it's been awhile since a 51 hit a tweener in the gap.)

Tom Hallett said he takes the family to about two or three games every season and that he didn't really mind the prices, because everything costs money these days, and also because he's from Buffalo, N.Y., where games in April usually are snowed out.

For those scoring at home and/or digging through their sofa cushions for nickels, it is 77 degrees in Pulaski, Va., as I am writing this, but the Pulaski Mariners don't open their season until June 19 against Burlington.  

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352. Follow him on Twitter: @ronkantowski.