The Electric Daisy Carnival is here.
And I am there.
Yes, I am an authority on the event, having nearly worn holes in my fuzzy pink boots from attending EDC the past two years.
I might even have to spring for new pasties and butterfly wings after such intense EDC usage.
And yet, I was once an EDC newbie, a naive little child, a babe in the woods, armed with only a note pad, a glowstick and neon green hair extensions.
Now, it is time for me to share my hard-earned EDC wisdom with you.
To help you maximize your enjoyment of the festivities, I am graciously offering you some EDC do’s and don’ts culled from my vast experience in covering the event.
Read on, and don’t make the same mistakes that I did:
DO: Party ’til the sun comes up.
DON’T: Party ’til that 2 a.m. burrito comes up.
DO: Dress with potentially high temperatures in mind.
DON’T: Attempt to beat the heat by wearing only a cod piece, a cape and a winning smile.
DO: Respect the police presence at the event.
DON’T: Walk up to a cop, introduce yourself as “Officer Party,” and demand to be deputized.
DO: Check out the BassPod stage.
DON’T: Expect your ears to stop ringing like the cellphone of the guy next to you in a movie theater until about a week before next year’s EDC.
DO: Marvel at the flame-shooting art installation pieces.
DON’T: Attempt to one-up them by holding a lighter to your rear.
DO: Drink plenty of fluids.
DON’T: Guzzle so much Red Bull that you couldn’t blink your eyes even if confronted with nude pictures of the cast of “Duck Dynasty.”
DO: Prepare to be stuck in some serious traffic to and from the festival.
DON’T: Complain about it. Of course, there’s going to be some gridlock, because lots of people are going to be there. Comes with the territory. Do you go to the beach and gripe about the sand? Do you attend a Motley Crue gig and bemoan hepatitis?
DO: Wear a sexy, inventive costume.
DON’T: Dress as Chewbacca and offer to introduce attractive members of the opposite sex to “Wookie nookie.”
DO: Keep an eye for celebrities.
DON’T: Ask me for my autograph if you should be lucky enough to spot me there. Leave me be! Unless, of course, you want to compliment me on my Chewbacca get-up.
Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at firstname.lastname@example.org or 702-383-0476. Follow on Twitter @JasonBracelin.