NEWS FLASH: Smith wins a Super Bowl bet


  An enormous pig was sighted in full flight across the Las Vegas Valley Sunday as John L. Smith finally won a Super Bowl bet. He amassed all his expertise and managed to pick the Arizona Cardinals to cover the 7-point spread and defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers.

  “I’m just honored to be part of the larger team of Cardinals bettors who worked hard all year to get to this point,” Smith said. “The betting could have gone either way, and it’s true I was tempted to go against my amazing losing streak and lay off a portion of my wager at halftime. But I stuck it out, made it through, turned a corner, came together as a team, overcame adversity, got to the bottom line, and at the end of the day we were all in this together. I just want to thank God, who is in for 10 percent, and the Internal Revenue Service (apparently nearly three times as powerful as God, for it takes 28 percent minus writeoffs).

  “And of course we couldn’t have done it without you the fans. You’re the greatest fans in the world. But, no, you can’t have a loan.”