I have an expression about homely people with hard bodies in Las Vegas. I call them "good looking from far away." You'll be walking behind them, saying, "Wow, she's got a really great body. I wonder what her face looks ... I'm scared!"
Bob Saget says there are a lot of men and women like that in Los Angeles.
"People are very attractive here. As you get closer, they're women with the body of a man named Jim," he says.
Saget (an "Entourage" regular lately) performs his foul-mouthed comedy at The Orleans on Saturday and Sunday. He's so dirty, I asked him naughty questions I can't quote here. He told me he's accustomed to that.
"People try to get me to out-filth them," he says. "I'm always like, 'Why are you doing that? There's nothing to prove. Let's get the dog high' " instead.
By the way, he's dating a Playboy Playmate. Gee, I wonder whether she'll stand out in the crowd at The Orleans.
PAY TO PARTY WITH SINGLE JENNY
Jenny McCarthy has moved to Las Vegas for a month while her new home is being built in L.A. So she's hosting Saturday night's party at the Palms: A Midsummer Night's Dream: Gods & Goddesses (A Masquerade Lingerie Bacchanalia).
This is one of my favorite parties of the year. Women dress up in elaborate (expensive), sensual outfits. But even dudes dress up because costumes are required.
Newly single McCarthy also will raise money for autism foundation Generation Rescue.
"I'm bringing my autism organization team in their bras and underwear to collect donations," she tells me. "So it's more than just tits and ass.
"That money goes directly to families who can't afford treatment for their children's autism because autism's not covered by insurance.
"If you bring your credit card and do a big donation, you can hang out in my cabana for the rest of the night. But it has to be a big number," she says.
I told her I appreciate that she's basically selling her body for money in Vegas.
"I know!" she says. "Don't ever say I've turned into a prude."
Club Lavo's two-year anniversary tonight promises a 9:30 p.m. red carpet by Kim Kardashian, LMFAO, Stephanie Pratt, Rob Thomas, Molly Sims, Kelly Brook and Anthony Mackie.
"I think she's more Lady than Gaga, if you ask me." -- Dave Attell on Lady Gaga. Read the rest in today's Neon section, where I rip into Lady Gagme at length.
Doug Elfman's column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. E-mail him at email@example.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.