Comedian Carlos Mencia always is on guard against liability. Recently, he wanted an in-law to sign a "no-fault" form before letting her swim in his pool.
"If somebody falls in my pool and cracks their head and ends up a paraplegic, they're gonna sue me," he says.
"I gotta think about dumb (expletive) like that. I can't just be like, 'Hey, come over.' I gotta be like, 'Whoa! Don't slip and fall in my house!'"
Mencia, who performs stand-up tonight at Treasure Island, says if you get rich all of a sudden, you'll start protecting yourself, too.
And you'll wonder why friends, family and strangers keep asking you for money: "All my friends who have money -- that's their biggest problem."
Strangers write Mencia constantly, asking for cash while telling "the saddest stories on the planet."
"You get pictures of cleft lips and missing noses, and 'I don't have an arm, I need a prosthetic,'" Mencia tells me.
Mencia refers people to charities he works with. Earlier in his career, he sent money and goods to needy people, he says.
"Then all of a sudden, I look at my bank account, and I'm like, 'Holy (expletive), I'm not gonna be able to make rent this month!'
"It's like that movie, 'The Jerk,' where he gives all his money away. It can happen, man, if you're not careful."
He says he's very grateful about success. It's just that, like other celebrities, he wishes he didn't have to be so protective.
"When somebody slips and falls in my backyard ... I see my entire life flash before my eyes!"
THE BIGGEST FRAT PARTY
That would be the World Series of Beer Pong. Hundreds of contestants will toss pingpong balls into plastic cups.
The winner gets $50,000. It's too late to register to play. To spectate today through Tuesday, day and weekend tickets cost $20-$50 at the Flamingo. For more, go to Bpong.com and check out team names. One is listed as The Double D's! Yeah ... Put It In Yo Mouth. Jay Leno is sending a team called Team Broverload.
UFC 108: Evans vs. Silva Saturday at MGM Grand Garden arena ($50-$600) ... Garth Brooks tonight-Sunday at Wynn ($143) ... Ne-Yo tonight at Palms ($85-$100) ... Staind singer Aaron Lewis tonight at Aliante Station, then Saturday at Green Valley Ranch ($55-$77 each night) ... Flogging Molly Saturday at Mandalay Bay's House of Blues ($34-$39) ... Jay Leno tonight-Saturday at Mirage ($92-$114) ... Family Stone tonight-Saturday at Orleans ($22-$32) ... Joe Rogan tonight at House of Blues ($36) ... For all weekend events, check out today's Neon section.
Doug Elfman's column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. E-mail him at email@example.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.