A year after winning "Celebrity Apprentice," Joan Rivers went on the show as a guest this week. After spending time with this year's controversial competitor, Rod Blagojevich, she tells me she was completely underwhelmed.
"He's an idiot," she says of the indicted former governor of Illinois. "When you talk to him for 10 minutes, you go, 'How did this man get elected?'
"Come on, Chicago, didn't anyone TALK to him?"
Speaking of politics, Rivers -- performing at The Venetian April 8-10 and 15-17 -- says everyone should read "Game Change," the election book that chronicles the philandering of John Edwards and Bill Clinton, plus the general confusion of Sarah Palin.
"Sarah Palin just couldn't figure out what anything was," Rivers says. "There's a genius. She and Octomom are my two favorites at the moment. Maybe her (Palin's) uterus is a little smaller. Only slightly."
HOW TO BECOME A SHOWROOMER
Here's a little story about how tough Vegas can be -- and how nice.
Matt Goss moved to Vegas last year and branded himself a showroom singer, performing in his Sinatra hat at the Palms.
That deal ended. Now he's at Caesars. But it wasn't a cakewalk, getting Caesars President Gary Selesner to see Goss at the Palms and give him a shot.
Goss' producer, Robin Antin, was already in business at Caesars with her Pussycat Dolls. Yet even she had to repeatedly call Selesner to persuade him to check out Goss .
"I kept bugging Gary. I kept saying, 'You gotta see this guy. You gotta see this guy,'" Antin says. "Sure enough, he came down, he brought his wife, he brought all these different people. He came down, and he fell in love with him, and that was that."
Once the deal fell into place, Caesars rehabbed Cleopatra's Barge for Goss -- not changing the old-school style, but glorifying it, replacing the red carpet, the torch facades, the brass. The room looks terrific.
Then, a couple of Caesars execs surprised Goss with a viewing of his new digs.
"When I came in," Goss says, "they blindfolded me," then they walked him through the room, took off the blindfold and let him see the changes .
"They didn't have to do that. They could have just said, 'There you go.' They blindfolded me! That's how much fun it is to work here," Goss told me the other night, after he was warmed up with Johnny Walker, Black Label.
For Goss' opening Friday, Spice Girl Mel B showed up with half her head shaved. (See photos on my blog.) Mel B, Natasha Bedingfield and Leona Lewis joined Goss for the finale.
Goss' lady dancers, wearing barely-there undergarments, gave Mel B and her man an eyeful by stretching out in front of them. (See those photos at Twitter.com/VegasAnonymous.)
COMINGS AND GOINGS
Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera went to Goss' show Saturday. Then they went to Hard Rock club Vanity, doing the couple thing, leaving holding hands. ... Doug E. Fresh performs tonight from his hip-hop canon at Caesars club Pure. ... And Holly Madison and Lucky the Leprechaun play beer pong at noon Wednesday at O'Shea's on the first of a four-day block party at O'Shea's. The winner of a beer pong tourney there enters the World Series of Beer Pong.
Doug Elfman's column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.