The way things are shaping up, “La La Land” is going to leave Sunday’s Oscars (5:30 p.m., ABC) with pretty much everything short of a best actor statue, kind of like last year, when “Mad Max: Fury Road” took home just about every award during that tedious section between best supporting actress and best original song.
Times like this are why we have the Fifth Annual Silver Seat Cushion Awards, which salute a wider array of movies than the Academy Awards ever will while celebrating the most important part of the moviegoing experience: a nice, comfortable chair.
Best Use of Las Vegas: “Jason Bourne”
The most famous car chase Las Vegas had seen since 1971’s “Diamonds Are Forever” closed a section of the Strip for three nights while sending dozens of cars airborne in front of Bellagio and a SWAT BearCat into the lobby of the Riviera. “Vegas was awesome for us,” star Matt Damon said. “And we asked a lot of the city, more than any film that I’ve ever been a part of. … And the fact that we were even allowed to shoot that car chase on the Strip was insane.”
Worst Use of Las Vegas: “Rules Don’t Apply”
After Warren Beatty portrayed one of the city’s most instrumental figures in “Bugsy,” hopes were high for his turn playing the even more influential Howard Hughes. But the borderline embarrassing movie spent roughly six of its 126 minutes in Las Vegas, with only some CGI marquees and rants about banana nut ice cream to show for it. Rules may not apply, but good storytelling should.
Most Random Product Placement: “The Trust”
While watching surveillance video, Nicolas Cage’s dirty Las Vegas cop can’t stop raving about Pop’s Philly Steaks. “Isn’t that that sandwich shop on Decatur? The one that makes the cheesesteaks? Man, that place is delicious!”
Best Supporting Garment: Blake Lively’s bikini from “The Shallows”
Seriously, had the surfer vs. shark movie been released in the days before the Internet, there would have been lines of 14-year-old boys around the block from every theater for months.
Best Performance by an Actor Who’s Been Dead Since 1994: Peter Cushing, “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”
The technology used to bring Cushing’s Grand Moff Tarkin into the 21st century wasn’t perfect. But it was good enough to induce goosebumps among the “Star Wars” faithful.
Best Innovation That Almost No One Saw: “Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk”
Director Ang Lee shot the film in 4K 3-D at an astonishing 120 frames per second — five times the standard rate. It was so advanced, only two projectors — one in New York and one in Los Angeles — could show the film.
Most Ridiculous Controversy: “Ghostbusters”
Don’t hate the reboot because it starred four women. Hate it because it lacked even the tiniest bit of imagination.
Best Unintentional Deconstruction of Virtually Every Superhero or Alien Invasion Movie of the Past 20 Years: “Independence Day: Resurgence”
Jeff Goldblum’s David Levinson dryly remarks, as London Bridge is destroyed, “They like to get the landmarks.” Boy, do they.
Least Necessary Too-Late Sequel: “Independence Day: Resurgence,” “Zoolander 2,” “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2,” “Bad Santa 2,” “Bridget Jones’s Baby” and “Blair Witch” (Tie)
Sometimes you really can’t go home again.
Best Song-and-Dance Number, Non-“La La Land” Division: “Hail, Caesar!”
The Coen brothers’ ode to the Golden Age of Hollywood featured an elaborate musical scene that proved Channing Tatum could have been a Gene Kelly-level star. Although he’s probably fairly content being a Channing Tatum-level star.
Most Entertaining 15 Minutes of 2016: The airport scene from “Captain America: Civil War”
There was more excitement in that one battle than in the entirety of “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” and “Suicide Squad.” Combined.
Best Taste: Janelle Monae
The singer has starred in exactly two movies, “Moonlight” and “Hidden Figures,” and they’re both up for best picture.
Outstanding Achievement in Making Everyone Forget About Russell Crowe’s Singing in “Les Miserables”: “Florence Foster Jenkins”
Meryl Streep’s socialite was supposed to have a terrible voice. That was the point of the movie. Still, each ticket should have come with a bottle of Advil.
Best Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: “X-Men: Apocalypse”
During the rebooted franchise’s third installment, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) says upon leaving a screening of “Return of the Jedi,” “Well, at least we all can agree the third one’s always the worst.” She was right, in both cases.
Best Joke That Got Way, Way Out of Hand: “Boo! A Madea Halloween”
What started as a spoof in Chris Rock’s 2014 movie “Top Five” became a full-fledged Tyler Perry vehicle. Here’s hoping Rock got a piece of the spinoff as it grossed $75 million, compared to “Top Five’s” $26 million.