First of all, yes, I am envious of Justin Bieber’s hair. I mean, come on, look at that coif in profile. What middle-aged newspaper male would not prefer to still own his old beautiful mane of luscious locks?
So no, I am not a Bieber hater. But yes, I plead guilty to envy.
Bieber, on the other hand, pleads guilty to nothing. Non, je ne regrette rien!
My favorite thing about this video is how Bieber looks as though he has outgrown that awkward cute phase that made him famous on YouTube back during YouTube’s Pleistocene era, and now he must endure that not-quite-21-year-old awkward non-mustache-growing-ability phase we all remember because we knew we knew everything.
Existential quotes to remember here:
“Is this a film?”
“I been to Australia?”
“I don’t have to listen to anything you say.”
“Is he my son?”
“This isn’t journalism?”
“I don’t know, Katie Couric, you tell me.”