I now present to you the game "One Degree of Bret Michaels." Bret Michaels can be connected to every contemporary tabloid news story in one step, or so it seems.
He partied with Charlie Sheen. He got caught in the middle of the Seinfeld-Trump feud. And gossip writers accused him of having an affair with Billy Ray Cyrus' wife (Miley's mom).
I told Michaels about "One Degree of Bret Michaels," and he exclaimed, "I love that!
"I beg you to own that and get that out there everywhere."
You got it, buddy.
Billy Ray Cyrus briefly filed for divorce in October after tabloids claimed Michaels got intimate with Tish Cyrus, during the time he recorded "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" with Miley.
Having an affair with a friend's wife is "not my style," he says.
"Tish -- me and her were working on a film. We were working on a Miley song. She's beautiful, but that's the problem.
" 'Good Morning America' -- I was getting ready to go up and do 'Every Rose' with Miley in Central Park in New York, and they took a bunch of pictures of me and Tish standing there."
Media ran the photos, implying they were a "couple" and "Billy's nowhere to be seen."
"I'm, like, wait a minute. I flew in from Charlotte last night, landed at 3 in the morning, didn't sleep, did the show, and flew back to Raleigh (N.C.) for the next show. But it made for interesting news."
At least Billy didn't punch him in the nose, he says.
"The Tony Awards already broke my nose," he jokes. "I don't need it broke again!"
LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON, LIKE DAUGHTER?
As I reported in a column recently, Michaels once enjoyed a cocaine-and-girls "party of Biblical proportions" in Vegas with Sheen and Guns N' Roses' Matt Sorum.
He's also gone to a few Super Bowls with Sheen. And he trained Sheen how to destroy a hotel room.
In a way, it was actually Michaels' dad who taught Sheen how to bust a room, because that's who taught Michaels.
During his childhood, the rocker's father would be at home watching Pittsburgh Steelers games on pre-cable TV, on a Zenith with rabbit ears covered in aluminum foil.
TV reception would go fuzzy.
"So we would get in the car. He would drive me and my sisters to the Pennsylvania Turnpike, and get a hotel room closer to where the game was," where TV reception was better.
"And the Cleveland Browns would beat the Steelers. Or there would be a bad (referee) call. And he would lose his cool" and "throw something at the TV."
"So I learned from my dad!" Michaels says.
Recently, Michaels rerecorded "Every Rose" with daughters Raine (10, a pianist and guitarist) and singer Jorja Bleu, 5.
"If they become rockers, I'll teach them all the things they need to know, like how to be good kids -- and how to trash a hotel room," he jokes. "It's something as a father I've always wanted to pass on."
THE DONALD BROUHAHA
Jerry Seinfeld pulled out of the charity tournament, Eric Trump Foundation Golf Invitational on Sept. 13 -- creating a war of words between Donald Trump and Seinfeld, who objects to Trump's politics.
Michaels, the 2010 winner of "Celebrity Apprentice," immediately filled Seinfeld's place.
"I don't know the politics of it all," he tells me. "I just said there's no politics when you're talking about somebody's life. I don't know what happened. I'm just glad I get to do it."
MANY IRONS, MANY FIRES
Tonight at Eastside Cannery, Michaels performs solo and Poison songs, and covers.
"It's a party," he says.
Michaels is a daily dirt or Harley rider; he wrote "Ride the Wind" while biking.
So Saturday, he will be at Sam Boyd Stadium for the Supercross Finals.
There, he will make some announcements and present the Bret Michaels award to the "toughest and most tenacious rider."
He will give that rider $25,000 -- of his own money.
"Somebody is gonna get to go party in Vegas pretty hard that night," Michaels says.
And come November, he headlines the Bret Michaels Super Cruise from Miami to Cozumel.
Not only will he perform regularly on the cruise and line up other entertainers, he will tend bar and party with everyone who signs up.
He's lined up a "Dance Dance Revolution" competition. The winner receives Michaels' personal Lincoln Navigator. It will be waiting at the dock in Miami at the end of the cruise.
I suggest to Michaels his cruise should add games such as "Weenie Bite" that bikers play at Sturgis and Daytona Beach.
"Consider it done!" he says. "Hot Jell-O Mud Wrestling! And everything people expect on a nice cruise."
Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.