"Woke up this morning and got myself a deal,

"Now I have to wonder if this thing of ours is real."

-- with apologies to the band A3 and fans of "The Sopranos"

Stop, Vinny Faraci, before it's too late.

Tear up that agreement you signed Friday with the federal government that gave you the best settlement of the busload of defendants in the Crazy Horse Too investigation.

Forget about going along and getting along with your fellow defendants. Never mind that you played your part in the global settlement in one of the longest criminal investigations in local history. Set aside the fact that if you hadn't signed, the whole gaggle of defendants, including chief target Rick Rizzolo, would have faced the reality of a trial and the potential of lengthy prison sentences.

I'm telling you, man, run away from this deal as fast as you can.

Why?

Because your settlement makes no mention of your reputed connections to the Bonanno crime family or your long and proud family ties to la cosa nostra.

Talk about showing disrespect.

They didn't even think enough of your mob ties to mention them.

You're not going to let them get away with that, are you?

I've searched and searched and can't find a single word that says you're anything more than a fellow who had the misfortune of "conspiring to defraud" the U.S. government of its annual IRS tribute payment.

"Conspiring to defraud?"

Why, I thought that was the official definition of "tax preparation."

But you know what they say about guys who don't come across with the tribute payment.

A guy spends a lifetime grooming his mob image and this is all he gets?

Tax conspiracy?

Level 12, Zone C in the federal sentencing guidelines: 10 to 16 months with up to 50 percent in "home confinement."

Vinny works harder on his tan than he'll work in the can.

I spent more time than that in the principal's office.

Of course, back in junior high I didn't have David Chesnoff as my mouthpiece.

Alarmed at this development, and concerned for Faraci's inner Soprano, I called attorney Chesnoff to implore him to intervene. Surely Chesnoff would request that his client reconsider his settlement decision, or at least amend the agreement to mention a few sentences about his mobster status.

"Doesn't Vinny know what settling this case will do to his image?" I asked. "This could ruin his reputation."

"I'm afraid I have a bad connection," Chesnoff said from a crystal clear cell phone call. "My phone has been dropping calls. It may be dropping this one."

Bada-bing, bada-boom.

Speaking of bad connections, Faraci once was alleged to have many. His father, "Johnny Green" Faraci, is a notorious Bonanno family capo and loan shark. New York organized crime experts have said Vinny became a made guy a few years ago, and in FBI search warrant affidavits for the Crazy Horse Too there was enough mob chatter to fill a Scorsese film festival.

But by the time the deal was sealed, nothing. Zero. La cosa, no sir.

Now I don't know what to think.

So I asked Chesnoff, who said, "I think the settlement is very fair for Vinny because, in reality, the guy worked at the same job for 20 years, filed his income taxes, and basically did his job as well as anybody could."

Vinny managed hundreds of topless dancers, who paid him for the privilege of taking off their clothes. And they say writing a column is easy.

"I don't think that anybody could say he was involved in any act of violence," Chesnoff said. "Other than the fact his reputation is constantly impugned, his character is contrary to that reputation. And I think that's reflected in the plea agreement."

Although the case drew out-of-town lawyers, it was settled by local attorneys. Defense counsel and the U.S. attorney's office, in addition to the FBI and IRS, kept cool heads, limited the insults, and shared partial victories. You don't often hear Chesnoff saying the words "mutual respect" in the same sentence as "federal prosecutors and law enforcement."

In fact, almost everyone is satisfied with the outcome of the case.

Everyone but me, I guess.

Sorry, Vinny. I tried to help.

But it's official now.

You're not in the mob anymore.

Tough break, big guy.

John L. Smith's column appears Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. E-mail him at Smith@reviewjournal.com or call 383-0295.