Eric Courtney tries his luck at video poker at the 7-Eleven at 4601 E. Sunset Road in Henderson. Photo by Craig L. Moran.
Motorists idle as they place sports bets at the Fiesta. Photo by Gary Thompson.
In addition to free miniature bars of soap and bottles of shampoo, the Hardwood Suite at the Palms comes with a half-court basketball court and adjacent locker rooms. (Cheerleaders sold separately.) Photo by Clint Karlsen.
Introducing tykes to the Las Vegas cinema experience usually means introducing them to casinos such as Texas Station. Photo by Gary Thompson.
The Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art beckons with multimillion-dollar exhibitions mere yards from where "Wheel of Fortune" slot machines beckon with multimillion-dollar jackpots. Photo by Jane Kalinowsky.
Sharks and 1,200 other aquatic species swim inside nearly 2 million gallons of water at the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. Photo by Jane Kalinowsky.
The Mirage offers guests of Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat the opportunity to interact with dolphins. Photo by Jane Kalinowsky.
Lions such as Samantha frolick for tourists behind 1.5-inch glass at the MGM Grand's Lion Habitat.
Photo by Jane Kalinowsky.
Many things in Las Vegas exist where they just do not belong.
Maybe that's a strange statement to apply to a city where the Eiffel Tower, the Manhattan skyline and a pyramid share the same street -- a city that itself doesn't belong where it is.
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Because Las Vegas is where "strange" hangs its party hat, some juxtapositions manage to escape the scrutiny they probably deserve.
"We don't think about these things," says Michael Green, history professor at the Community College of Southern Nevada. "They're just there. In fact, I expect many Las Vegans are surprised when they go elsewhere and don't find these things."
Just for fun, each of our examples is followed by commentary by comedian and longtime valley resident David Brenner.
SLOT MACHINES IN CONVENIENCE STORES
Most Las Vegans don't live far from a casino, where slot machines belong. But one-armed bandits insist on being everywhere we shop, too.
"The reality for anyone with an addiction is that they have to alter the way that they live their life so that they reduce their risk," says Carole O'Hare, executive director of the Nevada Council on Problem Gambling. "And in Las Vegas, to reduce your risk requires a little more effort because there's so much more access."
Anyway, isn't that congealed burrito and expired milk enough of a gamble?
Brenner's take: "I think slot machines in 7-Elevens are a great idea because after midnight, it gives the robbers something to do."
DRIVE-THRU LANES AT WEDDING CHAPELS
Thousands of tourists each year enter into the commitment of a lifetime as though it were a chicken gordita order.
"I don't think this is the healthiest way to start a relationship," says Las Vegas marriage therapist Lisa Dunning. "Making marriage so accessible -- especially on the Strip, where there's a lot of alcohol -- I don't think people think about the commitment involved.
"It's fun, it's exciting, but they're not thinking of the serious ramifications."
Brenner's take: "It's all downhill driving from there."
DRIVE-THRU LANES AT SPORTS BOOKS
If you need to place that bet on the Chargers so badly that there's just no time for that pesky walk through a casino, you're in luck. Unfortunately, you should probably also be in the program.
"People in Las Vegas who have gambling problems have to be really diligent about their recovery," says O'Hare. "At the same time, the problem resides within the individual, not necessarily within the device they're using to practice the addiction."
At least we don't have drive-thru lanes at bars, as they do in Louisiana. (Oops. We just gave some entrepreneur a bad idea.)
Brenner's take: "Drive-thru lanes at the sports books are perfect. Your wife can't catch you."
A MAYOR IN THE ALCOHOL BUSINESS
There's nothing wrong with leaders who enjoy a stiff drink now and then. Many of history's shrewdest political decisions were made between glass clinks. But in 2002, Mayor Oscar Goodman became the official spokesman for Bombay Sapphire gin. (A poster commemorating the relationship hangs at the Lee's Liquor Store on Lake Mead Boulevard)
Goodman isn't the first Las Vegas mayor in the booze biz. In 1929, during Prohibition, Mayor Fred Hesse was arrested for bootlegging.
"Someday, it would be nice to calculate who made a bigger profit in the liquor business, Mayor Goodman or Mayor Hesse," says Green of the community college.
To his credit, Goodman donated his $100,000 paycheck to charity.
Brenner's take: "I can't think of a better person for the job than someone with his background."
A BASKETBALL COURT INSIDE A HOTEL ROOM
We're not saying the Hardwood Suite at the Palms isn't a cool idea, at least for those who can afford the $25,000 nightly rate. But when you consider things that don't belong inside other things, this is like stuffing Louie Anderson into the costume of a Palms Playboy Club Bunny.
At least the 10,000-square-foot suite was built in a part of the hotel with no room directly below it. Can you imagine the problem that couple would have sleeping?
Brenner's take: "It's easier to hang yourself from the netting of a basket than from a rope. So that's what the guy does when he loses."
A Las Vegas casino is the only place where it's possible to get both beaten, and eaten, by a shark.
That's just a joke, of course. But Linda Faso, district manager for the Humane Society of the United States, isn't laughing.
"The last place wild animals belong is in a casino," she insists. "It's not right to force dolphins and sharks to swim in cement fishbowls with no place to go and no place to get away from individuals they don't get along with."
As for all the performing tigers around town, Faso says, "wild animals don't perform on cue for anything other than fear, pain or punishment."
The lions at the MGM Grand -- which are kept in the casino for six hours at a time and then returned to an 8.5-acre ranch -- get a pass, however, as do the big cats at The Mirage.
"Just being on display isn't the worst thing in the world," she says. "Still, it's not where they belong."
Brenner's take: "I always felt badly for animals in zoos. These animals pray to be in zoos."
DAY-CARE CENTERS
See ya, Junior! Daddy's coming back as soon as red seven doubles the rent check!
Actually, casino kiddie corrals are a good idea for parents who work there.
"If there's a problem with the child, the parent can be right there," says Las Vegas child psychologist Dr. Melissa Kalodner.
But they would be an even better idea tucked away in employee-only areas.
"If a parent chooses to go to a casino, I question their motive if they need to bring their child," Kalodner says. "What is that saying to a child? Everything a parent does is modeling behavior for a child. I feel it would be in the child's best interest for the parent to find a qualified baby sitter instead."
Brenner's take: "I think they should have day-care centers for some adults."
ART MUSEUMS
There's no disputing the quality of exhibits at Bellagio and Wynn Las Vegas. But a $139 million hole the size of Steve Wynn's elbow seems to underscore the incongruity of hanging paintings such as Pablo Picasso's "Le Reve" (French for "The Dream") 300 feet away from the "I Dream of Jeannie" slot machines.
"Being in a casino would not be such a bad thing if you were selling the art," says Arts Factory curator Iceberg Slick. "But it's wrong for a casino to charge just to look at a van Gogh because casinos are built on broken dreams. And that art was created from someone's passion, someone who left it behind for the world to enjoy."
Brenner's take: "The real reason van Gogh cut off his ear was that he could see into the future to this."
MOST MOVIE THEATERS
Fifteen of the valley's 22 movie theaters force parents to walk their children between card tables, and through clouds of smoke, to take them to the latest Disney flick.
"It's not a neutral environment anymore," says Stephen Tracy, child psychology instructor at the Community College of Southern Nevada. "There are real health concerns there, and there's no alternative. It's great for the casinos, but it's not great for children."
Brenner's take: "But if you want them to know what the real world is like, what's more realistic, Disney World or a casino?"
