Experts say online services have created ‘serial daters’
Cupid may never show up for those seeking the perfect mate.
"I don't think it even exists," said Dr. Sheri Bardos, a clinical psychologist and dating coach based at 711 Mall Ring Circle, Suite 202.
For one, the definition of "perfect" changes across cultures, she said. Also, people who look for perfection in partners often are doing so because they are seeking to fill a void in themselves or are trying to win others' envy.
"Some people want someone they can be really proud of so they can show them off," Bardos said. "Part of what I teach people is how to be happy, whether or not they are in a relationship."
Bardos said seeking perfection in romantic partners may be attributed in part to the media, which sets unrealistic standards, such as with those regarding physical appearance and social status.
Dating sites also may be a cause, said Charles Prince Jr., who runs Vegas Matchmakers, 7945 W. Sahara Ave., Suite 104.
"One of the problems I run into a lot is, online dating has changed dating forever," Prince said. "It's taught so many people to become serial daters. They teach people to look for the perfect person that doesn't exist, so they turn dating into a police interrogation and a job interview."
Elaine Casale, who owns the matchmaking service Interactions, 7391 W. Charleston Blvd., Suite 130, agreed. She said that clients tell her that online dating has become too dicey, with people lying about marital status, misrepresenting themselves in photos and putting other misleading information on their profiles.
"Online, you don't know who you're going to meet," she said. "It's dangerous."
Experts agreed that relationships are best sought through offline interaction. Casale said people who are seeking romance should turn off their computers and prioritize being out and about to increase their chances of meeting new people.
"They're not going to find you at your house," she said. "You should join yoga, join ski clubs, join dancing classes."
Simply hanging out somewhere with friends and having fun is another way to cross paths with a potential mate, Prince said.
"The No. 1 way to meet people is friends of friends," he said.
Some people who are looking for love try their luck at speed dating events, which can be more efficient for those with busy schedules, said Jeremy Bollinger, who runs Atlanta-based DateSwitch, which offers speed dating events around the country, including at the Downtown Cocktail Room, 111 Las Vegas Blvd. South. The next speed dating event there is planned at 5 p.m. Feb. 13, when participants will spend five minutes with each potential match.
"All you're wanting to do is determine if you want to talk to this person again," Bollinger said. "You don't know necessarily whether that's going to be the love of your life, but that's not necessarily the main goal. This is just basically getting to that next step. Plus, there's no awkwardness. You can say, 'There's no chemistry here. I would like to get out immediately.' "
The Green Valley Library, 2797 N. Green Valley Parkway, is set to host a free literary-themed speed dating event at 6 p.m. Feb. 20 for those ages 25 to 40. The time limit will be three minutes with each participant.
"As an ice-breaker, a person will bring a book that they want to talk about," said Kate Peraza, adult services librarian, who is leading the event. "I'm hoping that this will be an event that kind of gets to that group in the community that's trying to meet like-minded people."
Those interested can register through Feb. 17 at the library or at tinyurl.com/literaryspeeddating.
Although bringing people together who have common interests can be more conducive to easy conversation, area experts typically match people based on their character traits, which need to be compatible.
"We focus on what kind of personality would work with your personality," Bardos said. "What kind of career path would work with your career path? What kind of values?"
Once a match is made, and people decide on scheduling a full-on date, they should make sure they do something that allows for time to communicate in a low-key environment, Bardos said.
"Even if you go to the movies, go for a walk afterward," she said.
Experts also suggested that people just be themselves.
"Sometimes, people try to be someone else when they're dating," Bardos said. "But you want to know: Does this person know me and love me for who I am?"
— To reach Henderson View reporter Cassandra Keenan, email ckeenan@viewnews.com or call 702-383-0278. Find her on Twitter: @CassandraKNews.
Elaine Casale, who owns the matchmaking service Interactions, 7391 W. Charleston Blvd., Suite 130, reads letters from clients expressing thanks for helping them find love and romance. Cassandra Keenan/View
The book "The Art Of Communication In Dating" is displayed inside Elaine Casale's matchmaking business Interactions, 7391 W. Charleston Blvd., Suite 130. Cassandra Keenan/View
Elaine Casale, who owns the matchmaking service Interactions, 7391 W. Charleston Blvd., Suite 130, reads letters from clients expressing thanks for helping them find love and romance. Cassandra Keenan/View
Elaine Casale, who owns the matchmaking service Interactions, 7391 W. Charleston Blvd., Suite 130, looks through letters from clients expressing thanks for helping them find love and romance. Cassandra Keenan/View
Elaine Casale, who owns the matchmaking service Interactions, 7391 W. Charleston Blvd., Suite 130, talks about dating and how she matches her clients. Cassandra Keenan/View
