Answering the tough questions about Katy Perry’s new album

Updated January 19, 2018 - 5:32 pm

There are burning questions, and then are magma-hot lines of inquiry capable of liquefying those lesser tongues that would dare attempt to answer them.

Time for the latter, hombres.

With Katy Perry coming to town in support of her latest record, “Witness,” there’s a lot you want to know about said album.

You’ve got the Q’s. We’ve got the A’s.

Now let’s get to it with some actual questions from fictitious readers:

First off, what’s up with that album cover featuring Perry with her hands over her eyes and an eyeball in her mouth?

Feel free to skip over the long-winded pile of yada, yada, yada below: It’s Perry’s “official” explanation for her “Witness” cover art — these are her words, not ours, so they’re far less interesting.

“Music has allowed me to travel, which has re-educated my mind and changed my perspective on so much, so my education and my consciousness comes from my voice, and that’s how I see, and that’s how I witness you, and that’s how you witness me, and that’s why the eye is in the mouth,” Perry told “Entertainment Tonight” last May.

Quick recap: Blah-blah-blah, personal enlightenment, blah-blah-blah, deeper understanding of one’s true reason for being, blah-blah-blah.

Now, the real reason that Perry is obscuring her vision and gobbling an eyeball is simple: She’s shielding herself from reviews of “Witness.”

Speaking of which …

Why has “Witness” elicited such a chilly reception?

Critics have not been kind to “Witness”: The review-compiling website Metacritic, which is kind of like the music version of Rotten Tomatoes, gave the album a score of 52 out of 100 based on reviews from 19 publications.

To borrow a line from the baby in “Mother!”: “Ouch.”

Seriously, though, “Witness” isn’t that bad.

More sonically understated than her past efforts with a pulsating electro-pop production, it lacks the anthems and energy of Perry’s previous albums, though she’s still capably playing the role of you-can-do-it! pop spark plug.

Sure, there are some seriously odd metaphors going on here.

“So tonight we test limits / Take the safety off for a minute,” Perry sings on “Roulette.” “ ’Cause my love’s a bullet with your name written on it / Just load it and spin it.”

Hmm, so you’re saying that being with you is a potentially fatal undertaking akin to getting one’s “Deer Hunter” on? (Not to be outdone, Taylor Swift’s rumored to be readying a new single equating her love to standing in front of a mirror and repeating “Candyman” three times.).

All told, “Witness” is kind of like being expected to both feed and clothe your children: annoying and tedious at times, but you know it’ll all be over at some point.

What the !@#$ is a ‘Mind Maze’?!!

Why, it’s a labyrinth of anxiety that Perry must navigate in song or else suffer a terrible fate, such as crippling self-doubt, ebbing stardom or — gulp! — having to suffer the indignity of becoming a judge on the relaunch of a past-its-prime singing show with a history of befouling the musical landscape.

“Am I a car on fire?” Perry wonders on the tune in question. “Will I be devoured?”

Not sure who’d want to feast on a flaming Hyundai, but we get her point: The song’s about empowerment — as much of “Witness” is — about finding a measure of inner strength and confidence, not being afraid to be one’s true self and ignoring those whose voices simply don’t matter.

You know, like music critics.

What are Katy Perry’s chances of landing a role in ‘Semi-Pro 2’?

Easily the question we get asked the most, pretty much daily.

And understandably so.

Like all other true cineastes, we’re eagerly awaiting the follow-up to Will Ferrell’s 2008 basketball classic, where he starred as the immortal Jackie Moon in what’s best described as a true-life “Hoop Dreams.”

No slouch on the hard court, Perry showcased her b-ball skills in the video for “Swish Swish,” the third single from “Witness,” where she rocks a tiger-striped onesie, dunks on suckas and does the worm in a pile of confetti.

And so, we’d say her chances of starring in this surefire blockbuster sequel that no one currently has any intention of making are pretty much 100 percent.

As Moon himself once said: “In the annals of history, people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.”

Add this one to the list.

Preview

Who: Katy Perry, Carly Rae Jepsen

When: 7:30 p.m. Saturday

Where: T-Mobile Arena, 3780 Las Vegas Blvd South

Tickets: $50.59-$200.59 (702-692-1600)

Contact Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476. Follow @JasonBracelin on Twitter.

ad-high_impact_4
Entertainment
Gabi Coffee & Bakery Is Like A Korean Speakeasy From The 1920s
Gabi Coffee & Bakery Is Like A Korean Speakeasy From The 1920s (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Five must-see acts at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2018
Five must-see acts at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2018
The "13 Reasons Why" mustang cruises down the Las Vegas Strip (Courtesy Netflix)
4 fun and fascinating museums in Las Vegas
U2 in Vegas through the years
U2 in Vegas through the years
Dirt Dog In Las Vegas Makes Crazy L.A. Street Food
Dirt Dog In Las Vegas Makes Crazy L.A. Street Food (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-journal)
Black Tap In Las Vegas Makes This Instagram-ready Golden Knights Shake (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-journal)
Nevada Ballet Theatre Premieres Until December
‘Until December’ debuts at ‘Ballet & Broadway’ season finale (Carol Cling Las Vegas
Celebrate The Golden Knights With Knights-inpired Latte Art (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Yodeling Boy Mason Ramsey Signs With Atlantic Records, Debuts First Single
Yodeling Boy Mason Ramsey Signs With Atlantic Records, Debuts First Single Ramsey, who shot to fame after a viral video of him yodeling at an Illinois Walmart surfaced, just debuted “Famous.” “If I'm gonna be famous for somethin'/I wanna be famous for lovin' you/If I'm gonna be known around the world/I wanna because of you, girl” Mason Ramsey, “Famous” It’s been quite the rush to stardom for the 11-year-old, who appeared on The Ellen Show and performed at Coachella earlier this month. “I’d been to Nashville a few times before, but never thought something like this would happen. It’s a dream to sign with Atlantic and Big Loud.” Mason Ramsey “I loved recording ‘Famous’ and can’t wait for everyone to hear it.”
Steve Aoki, Pitbull And Other Stars Make An Apperance At The "Keep Memory Alive" Gala
Steve Aoki, Pitbull And Other Stars Make An Apperance At The "Keep Memory Alive" Gala. (Janna Karel Las Vegas review-Journal)
"Hamilton" Fans Line Up Overnight At Smith Center To Get Tickets
"Hamilton" fans line up overnight at Smith Center to get tickets. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
5 concerts to see in Las Vegas this week
You can visit the speakeasy in The Mob Museum's basement... if you know the password
6 new foods hitting movie theaters in 2018
Lip Smacking Foodie Tours takes you where the locals go
Donald Contursi talks about Lip Smacking Foodie Tours, which offers walking tours of restaurants on and off Las Vegas Boulevard with food samples and tidbits of history about the places they visit.
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Welcomes New Baby Girl!
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Welcomes New Baby Girl! The 45-year-old actor posted an adorable photo on Instagram, celebrating his newborn baby girl, Tiana Gia Johnson. Dwayne Johnson, via Instagram Dwayne Johnson, via Instagram Dwayne Johnson, via Instagram This is Johnson’s second daughter with his girlfriend, Lauren Hashian. His oldest daughter, Simone Garcia Johnson, came from his previous marriage. Johnson and Hashian first announced they were expecting another child back in January. Congratulations!!
Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend Car Show celebrates 21st year
The Stray Cats, Jerry Lee Lewis, Duane Eddy, Elvira and Mitch Polzak make appearances the 21st Annual Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend car show at the Orleans hotel and casino on Saturday, April 21, 2018.
This "Alice in Wonderland" cocktail changes colors and flavors while you sip
Take a tour of The Underground at The Mob Museum
Prince death investigation coming to an end
Prosecutors in Minnesota plan an announcement Thursday on the two-year investigation into Prince's death from a drug overdose Prince was 57 when he was found alone and unresponsive in an elevator at his Paisley Park estate on April 21, 2016. An autopsy found he died of an accidental overdose of fentanyl. Search warrants unsealed about a year after Prince died showed that authorities searched his home, cellphone records of associates and his email accounts to try to determine how he got the drug. The county attorney has scheduled a morning announcement at which time charges could be filed.
Art Bell’s Top 10 Shows
A selection of radio host Art Bell’s most popular shows.
Big Bounce America visits North Las Vegas
Billing itself as "the biggest bounce house in the world," Big Bounce America visits Craig Ranch Regional Park in Las Vegas.
David Copperfield in court after man injured during magic trick
The attorney for a British man who is suing illusionist David Copperfield said his client suffered serious injuries after being called on stage during Copperfield's show at MGM Grand.
Disneyland debuts new foods for Pixar Fest on Friday
Pixar Fest takes place ahead of California Adventure’s Pixar Pier expansion. (Janna Karel/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Sneak Peek at New Decorations, Merch and Parade for Disneyland's Pixar Fest
Las Vegas Philharmonic celebrates 20th anniversary season
Orchestra’s 2018-19 season features premiere, more (Carol Cling/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Downtown Las Vegas' newest bar is a reggae lounge
Jammyland serves island-inspired cocktails. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
5 things connecting Las Vegas and Marilyn Monroe
1. Marilyn Monroe, known then as Norma Jeane, obtained her first divorce in Las Vegas at the age of 20 on September 13, 1946. 2. According to some biographers, Monroe lived at 604 S. 3rd Street for four months during the summer of 1946. The house has since been torn down and is now the site of a parking lot. 3. In 1954, Monroe almost married Joe DiMaggio in Las Vegas but the wedding was called off last minute. The wedding was to be held at the Hotel El Rancho Vegas which was located on the southwest corner of Sahara Avenue and Las Vegas Boulevard. 4. Las Vegas has at least one road dedicated to the star. Marilyn Monroe Avenue is located in east Las Vegas and intersects with Betty Davis Street and Cary Grant Court. 5. There are currently more than 20 Marilyn Monroe impersonators for hire in the Las Vegas Valley.
This boozy milkshake is big enough to share with seven of your best friends
Fiddlestix makes an "8 Man Milkshake" that's packed with alcohol. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
TOP NEWS
News Headlines
Events
Home Front Page Footer Listing
Circular
You May Like

You May Like