Is there such a thing as too much Justin Timberlake?
Go ahead, pose the question out loud.
Every woman within earshot just mentally murdered you — murdered you right in your stupid face.
Still, we ask because Timberlake’s latest release, the double-album set “The 20/20 Experience,” issued in two parts last year, is a lot to digest: It’s 22 songs and 144 minutes of JT hitting on your girl while producer Timbaland makes lots of funny noises with his mouth.
Is it overkill?
To find out, we took it upon ourselves to listen to the hot-and-bothered collection in its entirety in one sitting.
Here’s a chronological recap of our “20/20” experience:
01:10: We get started with “Pusher Lover Girl,” where Timberlake unleashes some serious falsetto, sounding like Barry Gibb attempting to pass a kidney stone the size of a walnut. He equates his lust for his woman to being addicted to heroin, because chicks dig it when you compare your feelings for them to a dependency on opioids whose side effects include vomiting, severe itching and potential death. The message here: Love will make you puke and die.
15:25: “I’m the best ever,” Timberlake asserts over tablalike percussion and Middle Eastern vocal chants on “Hold the Wall.” He’s trying to persuade a girl to leave her dude and come dance with him, which is about as challenging as persuading a dingo to eat your baby.
36:00: Because he makes women all weak in the knees, like chocolate-flavored yoga pants or a failed pregnancy test in the wake of a one night stand with one of the dudes in Buckcherry, Timberlake can get away with saying some truly ridiculous stuff. To wit: “Spaceship Coupe.” “What’s a spaceship coupe?” you say. Valid question. Apparently, it’s an interstellar craft with but two seats: one for Timberlake, the other for some lucky hottie who wouldn’t even spit in your direction because it would mean having to first acknowledge your existence. They use it to fly to the moon and get it on while Timberlake whispers sweet nothings such as “I’m trying to find the alien in you” over what sounds like a synthesizer passing gas.
39:24: Air guitar break!
53:30: The song is over — at least it should be over — at a little over three minutes in, and yet there’s four more to go. “Just let the groove set in,” Timberlake instructs on the Afrobeat-influenced tune of the same name. Dude, the groove has set in. It’s asleep on the couch after having emptied the fridge. Speaking of which, guess it’s cool for the groove to crash here for a couple of days, but it needs to help around the house. That laundry’s not just going to fold itself, groove.
1:16:00: Two songs into the second “20/20 Experience” disc and Timberlake’s getting kind of creepy on “True Blood.” “Make me wanna build a coffin for two” he tells his lover, which is what every woman wants to hear, right? She’ll probably hog all the covers in there, too.
1:25:33: “Girl, if sex is a contest, then you’re coming first.” Your new surefire Friday night pickup line at Buffalo Wild Wings courtesy of JT on “Cabaret.”
1:26:25: “ ’Cause I got you saying ‘Jesus’ so much it’s like we’re laying in the manger.” #thingsthatonly- JustinTimberlakecansay.
1:44:12: Here’s Jay-Z to argue that Yoko Ono’s vagina ruined pop culture on “Murder.” That’s not where her voice comes from, guy.
2:00:10: “What am I gonna do with all this love?” Timberlake wails on “Only When I Walk Away.” Hmmm, what to do, what to do, maybe write a song or 22 about it?
2:18:52: Timberlake brings things to a close with spare, hidden acoustic track “Pair of Wings,” where he fantasizes about sprouting a giant pair of wings and flying away with his lady. “All you need to pack is your heart,” he tells her. That, and maybe a spare pair of undies.
2:25:00: It’s over.
So much love, so much sex, it’s like we spent the last two hours with an ear pressed against the bedroom wall of a newlywed couple.
Frankly, we’re worn out.
Kind of like Timberlake’s bed springs.
Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at firstname.lastname@example.org or 702-383-0476. Follow on Twitter @JasonBracelin.
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