Sheeran, Swift, Minaj and Azalea hitting this year’s iHeart Radio

The iHeart Radio Music Festival is about two things: bringing together enough stars to shame the stupid night sky and then getting those stars to perform with one another.

At shows past, Pink sang with No Doubt, Sting backed Lady Gaga, Mary J. Blige jammed with Prince and Usher got down with David Guetta, to name but a few collaborations.

Returning for its fourth year at the MGM Grand Garden arena this weekend, the two-day event, which also includes an outdoor afternoon show at the Festival Village across from the Luxor, seems poised for various artists on the lineup to perform hits that they recorded together: Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea on Azalea’s “Problem,” Usher and Nicki Minaj on his “She Came To Give it To You,” Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran on her “Everything Has Changed.”

Those are obvious matches, though.

We’ve got a few more novel pairings in mind.

Here’s the top five collaborations we’d like to see at this year’s iHeart Radio Music Festival:

Taylor Swift and Motley Crue

Taylor Swift is really, really good at telling off former flames, like on her hit “Mean” (aka “Who Farted in the Elevator? John Mayer Did” aka “If John Mayer Was An Ice Cream Treat, He’d Be A Poop-sicle” aka “I Don’t Know What Dysentery Is Exactly, But John Mayer Totally Reminds Me Of It.”)

“Someday, I’ll be livin’ in a big ol’ city,” she sings, her words directed at a certain someone whose name rhymes with “John Mayer.” “And all you’ll ever be is mean.”

Whoa!

Talk about taking the gloves off!

Calm down, Taylor, before you do something rash, like ring the dude’s doorbell and then run off before he can answer.

Likewise, Motley Crue is really, really good at telling off former flames, like on their hit “Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away).”

“Seasons must change / Separate paths, separate ways,” frontman Vince Neil sings, his heart a wounded dove, slowly flap- flap-flap-flapping its wings until it’s finally able to take flight again, soaring high in the sky, lifted by love, eventually landing square on the rack of a stripper named Cinnamon.

“If we blame it on anything / Let’s blame it on the rain.”

Nah, it was totally the broad’s fault, bro.

Obviously, the Crue and Swift need to jam together in what would be the steel cage death match in the battle of the sexes.

Who would come out on top?

Anyone lucky enough to be within earshot, naturally.

Ed Sheeran and 50 Cent

Ed Sheeran’s that British singer-songwriter who hurls his heart at you like the class bully targeting the bespectacled kid in dodgeball.

His songs are to testosterone what the burning depths of hell are to Klondike bars: In the presence of the former, the latter dissolves instantly.

Well, who better to put an end to all that than rapper 50 Cent?

He’s so damn manly, it’s as if Tom Selleck’s mustache had a baby with a pilsner glass of Wild Turkey, a baby whose only sustenance came from feasting on the hopes and dreams of lesser men.

When 50’s not insensitively mocking a certain famous boxer’s struggles with literacy, he’s in the gym, getting so friggin’ pumped, he looks like a bratwurst left in the microwave too long.

So say goodbye to Ed SHE-eran, and hello to Ed HE-eran.

Childish Gambino and Weezer

Both nerd rockers Weezer and nerd rapper Childish Gambino are heroes for smart, introverted types.

You know, the kind of guys who are developing the algorithms that will power the social network applications that all the dudes who bullied them in high school will use to kill time during their smoke breaks at Jiffy Lube.

For geeks to get excited as this pairing would inevitably make them, Apple would have to invent the iWoman (a comely fembot who values fluency in Klingon more than the ability to verbally engage members of the opposite sex).

Here’s a tip: When Weezer and Childish Gambino are throwing down together on stage, look for the crowd members rocking out the hardest.

Introduce yourself, make friends, be the first to get in good with your future boss.

Train and Lil Jon

Turn down for what?!

For the love of maintaining consciousness.

Seriously, Train records are what Nyquil uses to fall asleep.

Look, Train fans, we’re not trying to get your khakis in a bunch here.

All that we’re saying is that if we have to sit through a Train set, it would be a far more tolerable experience if a fellow with gold teeth and matching pimp cup atonally shouted catchphrases throughout their performance, providing at least a chance that he’d drown out the band’s neutering of rock ’n’ roll with songs as toothless as an eggplant.

One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer

It’s like Copernicus once said: “The world isn’t big enough for two hella popular boy bands with funny accents, chief.”

One Direction is the biggest thing to come from the United Kingdom since Gordon Ramsay’s need for attention.

Aussies 5 Seconds of Summer, on the other hand, don’t even like to be called a boy band because they can play their own instruments, which is kind of like a porn star demanding to be taken seriously as an actress for ad-libbing a moan in that scene with the pizza delivery guy.

Look, sad as it may be, there’s just not enough space on your teen daughter’s bedroom walls for photos of both groups, OK?

Clearly, then, one of these bands has to be murdered.

Live! On Stage!

They’ll duel to the death, kind of like “The Hunger Games,” but with considerably more hair gel.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476. Follow on Twitter @JasonBracelin.