Against All Odds
They're in over their heads. Totally unprepared. Facing staggering odds. And quite possibly not up to the challenge.
They're the heroes of NBC's "Chuck" and The CW's "Reaper," the best of the networks' new shows. But "they" could just as easily be the new lineup itself.
The fall season officially starts Monday, and the freshman class can be summed up in one word: Eh.
OK, maybe that's not technically a word, but you get the idea. It's like asking for an Xbox 360 for Christmas and getting a sweater. Or planning a date with Jessica Simpson and getting Ashlee. They're perfectly acceptable, as long as you can lower your expectations enough.
Take "Chuck," the first DVD I grabbed from the fall screener pile. My initial reaction was that it is fun, but could be a lot better. Once I saw everything else the season has to offer -- twice -- it retroactively became a work of art.
Unlike last year's crop of exceptional pilots, there's nothing truly great here. But there's nothing truly horrible, either. (Or at least there wasn't until CBS' long-overdue "Moonlight" turned up Tuesday.) It's mostly a case of the bland leading the bland.
And almost everything feels familiar. There are remakes -- "Viva Laughlin," "Life Is Wild," "Kitchen Nightmares" and "Bionic Woman." Spinoffs -- "Private Practice," "Cavemen" and "The Next Great American Band." Series based on books -- "Gossip Girl" and "Women's Murder Club." Shows that seem an awful lot like existing shows -- "Journeyman," "Moonlight," "Nashville" and "Life." And shows that seem an awful lot like other new shows -- spend less than five minutes on a word processor and the pilot scripts for "Big Shots," "Cashmere Mafia" and "Women's Murder Club" could become interchangeable.
Even "Chuck" -- about a computer nerd who accidentally becomes a secret weapon for the government -- and "Reaper" -- about a slacker roped into becoming Satan's bounty hunter -- are essentially the same series. (And far better than I can make them sound.)
They're both action comedies that revolve around reluctant heroes, dragged into saving all of humanity, who work in big box retail stores and aren't living up to their potential: Chuck left Stanford after a girl broke his heart; "Reaper's" Sam dropped out of college after a month because it "made him sleepy."
Despite their flaws, I'm pretty sure Chuck and Sam will be able to save the world. It's TV, after all. But whether they can save the fall season, that's anybody's guess.
Here's a look at the 29 new series, all of which premiere this week unless otherwise noted. If you just care about the shows you should be watching, look for the "Life on the Couch Approved" seal. And, as always, times and dates are subject to change.
SUNDAYS
"CW NOW"
(7 p.m. KVCW-TV, Channel 33)
What it's about: The newsmagazine promises to cover the latest in fashion, music, movies and gadgets.
What it's like: A preview wasn't available.
"ONLINE NATION"
(7:30 p.m., Channel 33)
What it's about: The series will look at the hottest things on the Internet, from blogs to viral videos.
What it's like: A preview wasn't available.
"LIFE IS WILD"
(8 p.m. Oct. 7, Channel 33)
What it's about: Teenager Katie Clarke (Leah Pipes) may never forgive her veterinarian father (D.W. Moffett) for uprooting their blended family from Manhattan to live at a South African game preserve.
What it's like: Filmed on location in Johannesburg, South Africa, the drama is chock-full of gorgeous shots of giraffes, lions, rhinos and all sorts of creatures I couldn't name if you held a gun to my head. But the finished product is like somebody took a perfectly good National Geographic special and tacked on an episode of "The Brady Bunch." It doesn't help that its young star has more chemistry with her TV stepbrother than her supposed love interest.
"VIVA LAUGHLIN"
(previews at 10 p.m. Oct. 18, debuts at 8 p.m. Oct. 21, KLAS-TV, Channel 8)
What it's about: Ripley Holden's (Lloyd Owen) dream of opening a Laughlin casino is complicated when his former partner turns up dead in this musical murder mystery.
What it's like: The pilot really works for only 1 minute, 50 seconds -- the time it takes Hugh Jackman, as shady rival casino owner Nicky Fontana, to make his splashy entrance, singing and dancing his way through "Sympathy for the Devil." And Jackman, who executive produces the series, will appear in only a handful of episodes. From an artistic standpoint, "Viva Laughlin" makes "Cop Rock" look like "High School Musical."
MONDAYS
"CHUCK"
(8 p.m. KVBC-TV, Channel 3)
What it's about: Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi), the leader of the Nerd Herd at a very Best Buy-like chain store, is accidentally sent an e-mail containing encoded government secrets that are downloaded into his brain. A sexy CIA agent (Yvonne Strahovski) wants to help him, while one of the NSA's top killers (Adam Baldwin) mostly just wants him dead.
What it's like: The slick action comedy, one of two new series from "The O.C." creator Josh Schwartz, is the perfect blend of both elements. Strahovski's Sarah, a spy in the style of "Alias' " Sydney Bristow, gets to do all the dangerous stuff while Chuck stands around making dry jokes very much in the mold of "The O.C.'s" Seth Cohen. "Workin' on my five-year plan," he distractedly tells a woman who chats him up at a party. "Just need to choose a font."
"ALIENS IN AMERICA"
(8:30 p.m. Oct. 1, Channel 33)
What it's about: Medora, Wis., teenager Justin Tolchuck (Dan Byrd) is having a rough time -- he finished five spots below his younger sister, Claire (Lindsey Shaw), on his high school's list of "most bangable chicks." His mom (Amy Pietz) imports a friend for him via the school's student exchange program, only to be duped into taking Raja (Adhir Kalyan), a Pakistani Muslim other families rejected.
What it's like: From the opening moments, when twin bullies fight over who'd get to sleep with Claire if she were their sister, you get the feeling you're watching something special. By the time the comedy starts having a field day with American ignorance and prejudices -- a teacher talks about Raja's "Muslimism," his classmates hate him because "his people blew up the buildings in New York," and the proud, noble teenager becomes exasperated because he can't figure out why everyone is calling him "Fudge-Pakistan" -- you know you are.
"THE BIG BANG THEORY"
(8:30 p.m., Channel 8)
What it's about: Penny (Kaley Cuoco), a beautiful but flighty waitress, moves across the hall from brilliant physicists Leonard (Johnny Galecki) and Sheldon (Jim Parsons).
What it's like: "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre barely scratches the surface of nerddom with characters who aren't even remotely believable. "Star Trek" fixation? Check. Lactose intolerance? Check. Wardrobe no one outside of a mental institution would select? Check. You'll laugh -- especially at Parsons, whose Sheldon seems to have been raised by a "Frasier: The Very Best of Niles" DVD -- you just probably won't feel very good about it.
"K-VILLE"
(9 p.m., already airing, KVVU-TV, Channel 5)
What it's about: Marlin Boulet (Anthony Anderson) is a New Orleans cop with serious issues after his then-partner abandoned him in the chaos of Hurricane Katrina. Boulet and his new rookie partner, ex-soldier Trevor Cobb (Cole Hauser), set out to clean up what's left of the city's streets.
What it's like: It's a great idea, trying to solve a wave of crimes with few cops and fewer resources (much of what was destroyed in the flood still hasn't been replaced). "K-Ville" basically uses New Orleans, where it's filmed, as a stand-in for the Old West. Still, there are subtler ways of delivering the drama's "we gotta rebuild" message.
"SAMANTHA WHO?"
(9:30 p.m. Oct. 15, KTNV-TV, Channel 13)
What it's about: Samantha Newly (Christina Applegate) comes out of an eight-day coma with no memory of her parents (Jean Smart and Kevin Dunn), her boyfriend (Barry Watson), her best friend (Jennifer Esposito) or the horrible person she was before she was hit by a car.
What it's like: In a matter of days, the comedy went from being known as "Sam I Am" to "Samantha Be Good" to "Samantha Who?" Apparently "Samantha Who Cares?" was already taken. It's not so much bad as unnecessary.
"JOURNEYMAN"
(10 p.m., Channel 3)
What it's about: Reporter Dan Vasser (Kevin McKidd) pingpongs through time -- correcting people's mistakes while reuniting with his long-lost fiancee (Moon Bloodgood) -- before returning home to his wife (Gretchen Egolf).
What it's like: When Dan's in the past, the visual clues -- the "Less Than Zero" billboard and cell phones the size of a toaster -- are a nice touch. But the drama takes itself way too seriously. And it falls apart during the scene in which 2007 Dan replaces 1997 Dan at his own engagement party and no one bats an eye. Besides, I liked it better when it was called "Quantum Leap."
TUESDAYS
"CAVEMEN"
(8 p.m. Oct. 2, Channel 13)
What it's about: Three cavemen (Bill English, Nick Kroll and Sam Huntington) try to get by in the modern world while facing prejudices and injustices from the Homo sapiens around them.
What it's like: The initial reaction to the Geico commercial-spawned comedy has been overwhelmingly negative. But I have to admit -- even though it may cost me my critic's license -- I actually kind of enjoyed what I saw of it. ABC recast one of the cavemen, replaced the original pilot with a different episode, and hasn't made the new premiere available for review. But I swear, it wasn't as bad as you've heard.
"CARPOOLERS"
(8:30 p.m. Oct. 2, Channel 13)
What it's about: Four very different professionals (Jerry O'Connell, Fred Goss, Jerry Minor and Tim Peper) share a 45-minute commute twice a day.
What it's like: What few stabs at humor this awkward little comedy attempts mostly involve T.J. Miller, as one of the characters' sons, who seems to be channeling Napoleon Dynamite's retarded cousin. While I admire "Carpoolers" for drawing attention to yet another way to help the environment, if it means never having to watch nonsense like this again, I'll melt the polar ice caps myself.
"REAPER"
(9 p.m., Channel 33)
What it's about: On his 21st birthday, slacker Sam Oliver (Bret Harrison) learns that before he was born, his parents sold his soul to the devil (Ray Wise). Now, a reluctant Sam must become Satan's bounty hunter, tracking down escaped souls to protect the living.
What it's like: Played straight, this idea would end up as a ridiculous summer blockbuster for Shia LaBeouf. But the genius of "Reaper" is how nonchalant Sam and his friends are about the whole thing. "Nothing cool like that ever happens to me," Sam's best friend complains, before laughing and calling him Damien. Not even the devil is what you'd expect: While he occasionally shows flashes of evil, Wise's Satan usually comes across as a grinning, suave, nattily-attired playboy. With its blend of pop-culture references and the supernatural, the action comedy is very nearly "Buffy"-esque.
"CANE"
(10 p.m., Channel 8)
What it's about: Alex Vega (Jimmy Smits) struggles to protect his adoptive family's rum and sugar business from both the outside -- the rival Samuels family -- and the inside -- his jealous brother-in-law, Frank (Nestor Carbonell).
What it's like: This modern "Dallas" -- only with South Florida Cuban-Americans instead of Texans and rum instead of oil -- is a sexy window into a world that's sorely underrepresented in prime-time. Smits proves once and for all he's one of very few true TV stars by making everything and everyone around him seem better. As an added bonus, the recently goateed actor gets the rare chance to show off his dark side.
"CASHMERE MAFIA"
(previews at 10 p.m. Nov. 27, debuts at 9 p.m. Dec. 4, Channel 13)
What it's about: Four high-powered best friends (Lucy Liu, Frances O'Connor, Miranda Otto and Bonnie Somerville) compare strategies in the boardroom and the bedroom.
What it's like: For a drama about female empowerment, the "Sex and the City" wannabe -- from that show's creator, Darren Star -- feels awfully condescending. One character seems to exist solely so the others can wonder how she could possibly balance being a mom and an executive. You mean women can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan? Well, pass the Enjoli.
WEDNESDAYS
"BACK TO YOU"
(8 p.m., already airing, Channel 5)
What it's about: After an on-air meltdown at a Los Angeles TV station, self-absorbed anchorman Chuck Darling (Kelsey Grammer) returns to his old Pittsburgh station to work with his former co-anchor, and former lover, Kelly Carr (Patricia Heaton).
What it's like: With "Frasier" alums Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd writing, legendary sitcom director James Burrows behind the camera and Grammer, Heaton and Fred Willard in front of it, you expect, well, more. Still, you have to respect everybody involved for trying to breathe life into the dying art of the traditional sitcom.
"KID NATION"
(8 p.m., already airing, Channel 8)
What it's about: The reality show strands 40 kids, ages 8 to 15, in a New Mexico ghost town for 40 days without their parents or modern comforts. While there, they will cook, clean outhouses, haul water, and set up and run businesses.
What it's like: Apart from the public outcry that the series is exploiting young children, "Kid Nation" has one obvious strike against it: Why would anybody want to watch a bunch of kids cooking, cleaning outhouses, hauling water, and setting up and running businesses?
"PUSHING DAISIES"
(8 p.m. Oct. 3, Channel 13)
What it's about: Pie maker Ned (Lee Pace) has the uncanny ability to bring the dead back to life with a single touch. But if he ever touches them again, they die forever. Naturally, he revives his first love (Anna Friel), meaning they can never so much as hold hands.
What it's like: As with "Cavemen," I'm out of step with the rest of the nation's critics, who've been giving "Daisies" big, wet, sloppy kisses for months. The fairy tale is cute, adorable, whimsical even. But it's about too clever by half: A character loses an eye in a kitty litter accident, the local travel agency is called Boutique Travel Travel Boutique, you get the idea. And every time a character is introduced, it goes something like this: "Young Ned was 9 years, 27 weeks, six days and three minutes old. His dog, Digby, was 3 years, two weeks, six days, five hours and nine minutes old." And on and on. I desperately want to love "Daisies." It just seems like a better idea for a movie than a series.
"BIONIC WOMAN"
(9 p.m., Channel 3)
What it's about: Bartender Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan), whose body was mangled in a car wreck, is rebuilt with futuristic technology replacing her legs, an arm, an eye and an ear.
What it's like: "Battlestar Galactica" executive producer David Eick tries to reinvigorate another staple of '70s TV with this splashy remake, but it just doesn't work. Don't look for things to improve with backstage shake-ups and Hollywood pariah Isaiah Washington joining the cast. The whole thing feels as cold and detached as Jaime's former body parts.
"GOSSIP GIRL"
(9 p.m., already airing, Channel 33)
What it's about: The sensational lives of privileged Manhattan prep schoolers are chronicled on a must-read blog written by the mysterious Gossip Girl (voiced by Kristen Bell).
What it's like: The teen drama feels like series creator Josh Schwartz's "The O.C." meets "Cruel Intentions." And while it's missing the sense of humor that often made "The O.C." laugh-out-loud funny, I'm a sucker for shows like this. Fine, deep down inside I'm a 14-year-old girl. Sue me.
"KITCHEN NIGHTMARES"
(9 p.m., already airing, Channel 5)
What it's about: "Hell's Kitchen" chef Gordon Ramsay takes on a different struggling restaurant each week, aiming to turn around everything from its appliances to its menu to -- with a little pop psychology -- its owners and staff.
What it's like: The series plays out like "Extreme Makeover: Restaurant Edition." It can be perfectly entertaining, depending on each week's cast of characters. But it feels wildly out of place in the fall season.
"PRIVATE PRACTICE"
(9 p.m., Channel 13)
What it's about: "Grey's Anatomy's" Addison (Kate Walsh) has left Seattle for Santa Monica, Calif., and the Oceanside Wellness Center. At the chic clinic, she'll work alongside a fertility specialist (Audra McDonald), an internist (Taye Diggs), a psychiatrist (Amy Brenneman), a pediatrician (Paul Adelstein) and an alternative medicine specialist (Tim Daly).
What it's like: From its cast to the Cobb-salad approach to their characters' specialties, "Practice" seems custom-designed to be an even bigger hit than "Grey's." But it's just not as interesting as its predecessor was in the beginning. And while "Practice" has the best cast of any new show, the actors feel like hired guns: They're all fun to watch, but none of them really jell.
"DIRTY SEXY MONEY"
(10 p.m., Channel 13)
What it's about: After his father's death, Nick George (Peter Krause), takes over as the attorney for the Darlings, New York's richest (and possibly most dysfunctional) family.
What it's like: The series -- think "Arrested Development" played for drama or a sexier "Brothers & Sisters" -- is another case of lowered expectations. Despite the stellar cast -- in addition to Krause, there's Donald Sutherland, Jill Clayburgh, William Baldwin and Samaire Armstrong -- it didn't seem all that good at first. But after a second viewing, and the chance to compare it to everything else, it feels downright inspired.
"LIFE"
(10 p.m., Channel 3)
What it's about: After serving 12 brutal years in prison for a crime he didn't commit, Detective Charlie Crews (Damian Lewis) returns to the police force a changed man.
What it's like: Crews is easily the best new character of the fall. He's playful, inappropriate and a little bit Dr. House-ian. He's baffled by technology. He eats fruit like he's battling scurvy. And he spouts New Age-y mantras as though he spent his time behind bars with a steady diet of self-help books -- or a copy of "Prison Zen for Dummies." There's also a lot of potential in the way he blows through his multimillion-dollar settlement like a kid in a very expensive candy store, despite the efforts of the CEO-turned-convict (Adam Arkin) who manages Crews' money from an apartment over the garage.
THURSDAYS
"BIG SHOTS"
(10 p.m., Channel 13)
What it's about: Four high-powered best friends (Dylan McDermott, Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus and Joshua Malina) compare strategies in the boardroom and the bedroom.
What it's like: It's "Cashmere Mafia" with guys. The CEOs mostly sit around talking about their feelings while making bad puns and telling a half dozen tranny jokes, as though transsexuals were the funniest, most original things ever. It's especially weird that the "Big Shots" characters would be that bent out of shape by men acting like stereotypical women, since the quartet spends the first episode doing just that. "Men," McDermott's character says. "We're the new women." And with that, the drama accomplishes the rare feat of being both anti-man and anti-woman.
FRIDAYS
"THE NEXT GREAT AMERICAN BAND"
(8 p.m. Oct. 19, Channel 5)
What it's about: The "American Idol" producers, who've already extended the formula to include kids ("American Juniors") and dancers ("So You Think You Can Dance"), have created an "American Idol" for groups. Sheila E. and Goo Goo Dolls frontman John Rzeznik are among the judges.
What it's like: A preview wasn't available.
"MOONLIGHT"
(9 p.m., Channel 8)
What it's about: Mick St. John (Alex O'Loughlin) is a vampire-turned-private investigator. Or is it a private investigator-turned-vampire? The pilot isn't really clear.
What it's like: To say the vampire drama sucks would be too easy. The writing is painful: "I am a vampire," a guest star says. "Well, not in the way most commonly portrayed in dime-store novels." But the acting is of the caliber usually relegated to the wee hours on Cinemax, in those special moments at the sorority house between the departure of the randy pizza delivery guy and the arrival of the randy plumber.
"NASHVILLE"
(9 p.m., already airing, Channel 5)
What it's about: The reality series follows seven up-and-coming country musicians ... and some tool whose family buys and sells jets.
What it's like: Think "Laguna Beach" with a twang or "Paradise City" -- the E! series that followed Las Vegas wannabes -- with a budget (all three share a production company). I don't know if it's because I spent 30 years within two hours of Nashville, but I liked this a lot more than I wanted to. That still doesn't mean it belongs on network TV, especially during the regular season.
"WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB"
(9 p.m. Oct. 12, Channel 13)
What it's about: A homicide inspector (Angie Harmon), a medical examiner (Paula Newsome), an assistant district attorney (Laura Harris) and a crime reporter (Aubrey Dollar), all best friends, get together over pizza and drinks to compare notes and solve crimes.
What it's like: Assuming you can forgive its unconventional -- and highly unprofessional -- premise, you don't believe for a second any of these people even know each other. Plus, I started drifting off both times I watched it. The only thing separating "Club" from a run-of-the-mill Lifetime movie is an ex-husband/boyfriend/one-night-stand with rage issues. That and a compelling plot.
SATURDAYS
There's nothing new to see here. The networks gave up on Saturdays years ago.
