Gay rabbi discusses his journey to acceptance in talk at Henderson temple

Joel Alter knew from an early age what direction he wanted to go with his studies and career.

“I grew up in a wonderful home and community,” he said. “There were many role models of people living joyful lives of Jewish commitment and I had the privilege of a solid Jewish education.

“But it wasn’t long after college I knew I wanted to be trained as a rabbi to contribute to the joy, meaning and responsibility of passing along Jewish tradition and strengthening the Jewish community.”

In 1996 he received rabbinic ordination and earned a master’s degree in education from Jewish Theological Seminary in New York.

“I now had a religious identity but not as much in my personal life. I wanted to be like those around me, married with children, but there was no one in my circle like me. That’s when I realized I was gay.”

Rabbi Alter will talk about his journey toward acceptance at 7 p.m. Thursday at Midbar Kodesh Temple, 1940 Paseo Verde Parkway in Henderson, as part of its celebration of the Festival of Sukkot.

Alter first had to come out to himself, but he was not free to express himself as a gay man. Homosexuality in Conservative Judaism was forbidden at the time, so he was forced to keep his secret.

In time, a grass-roots movement of the Jewish LGBTQ began to work toward a change in Conservative Judaism’s position. By 2006, a reversal of the traditional prohibition was adopted, and Alter was able to come out in his religious life.

“It was a very affirming, joyful thing that I could live a more integrated life,” he said, noting he began volunteering for groups in the LGBTQ community.

But Alter said he didn’t find the wait for acceptance traumatic.

“I’d never been troubled by some notion that God hates me or any of those lines that come from fundamentalist and harsh religious voices,” he said. “Once I’d reconciled with being gay, I knew that I’d live my life as a Jewishly committed gay man even if that was at variance with a specific point of law.”

On a larger scale, though, the Conservative movement’s shift on the issue was “a watershed for all sorts of creative efforts, and invited voices that had not previously been heard into important conversations going on in the community,” said Alter, who has worked in education as a rabbi in schools and in administration for most of his career and is now director of admissions at Jewish Theological Seminary rabbinical and cantorial schools in New York.

Hosting Alter’s visit to Las Vegas is Rabbi Bradley Tecktiel of Midbar Kodesh Temple. Co-hosting the event are Las Vegas PRIDE, the Jewish Federation of Las Vegas and The Center.

Tecktiel, in particular, is looking forward to the visit, because he was a classmate of Alter’s at rabbinical school and the two were study partners.

“Joel is a good friend. He is bright, articulate and just a fun guy. He is an asset and a great role model for the Jewish community,” Tecktiel said, adding he welcomed the opportunity to interact with other local organizations as well.

Alter is also looking forward to visiting his friend and sharing his story in Southern Nevada and getting to know the LGBTQ community here.

“I regularly have the opportunity to talk with people who are somewhere along their path out of the closet. Sometimes I’ve helped people think through specific issues, sometimes it’s more of a pastoral conversation — just hearing them out. Sometimes it’s just about being me, ‘Here I am, a Jewishly committed gay man.’ No need to choose between the two anymore, they go together.”

While young Jewish people are finding it easier to come out, he said everyone has his or her own journey.

“Many parts of the world have changed enormously and people freely come out younger and younger. It continues to be challenging for older people to come out, because one’s sexual identity is an essential part of who one is,” he said.

“Coming out later means adjusting some fundamental self-perceptions and — critically — assumptions and understandings that others have about you. The satisfaction of living in a more integrated way is great, but the distance to get there can feel bigger than it really is.”

Alter’s next step on his own journey is adding children to his family via a surrogate.

“I’m so excited for him,” Tecktiel said. “Those children will have a wonderful role model as a father and parent.”