THE WATER COOLER

Here are a few things in news, sports, entertainment and popular culture that we've been talking about lately.

• Las Vegas' United Football League team will be called ... The Locomotives? Because nothing intimidates an incoming linebacker more than a mental image of Thomas the Tank Engine.

• A Las Vegas woman sees an image of Jesus on a toilet seat bumper sticker. Usually, it takes four pitchers of beer or six hours of colonoscopy prep to see Jesus in that particular locale.

• 61-year-old Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler breaks his shoulder in a fall from the stage. The "I've fallen and I can't get up" jokes just write themselves.

• Miley Cyrus pole dances at the Teen Choice Awards. See what happens when you choose Britney Spears as a role model?

• Local public health officials say increasing the amount of physical space between students may help to minimize transmission of the H1N1 flu virus. Even more important, it'll help prevent the spread of cooties.

• Victoria Beckham will be a guest judge on "American Idol." Because who knows more about musical talent than the least distinguished -- and we include Sporty Spice here -- Spice Girl?

• Kate Gosselin tells the "Today" show that her marriage to husband Jon would have failed even without the reality show. But, luckily, they decided to debase themselves for our entertainment anyway.

JOHN PRZYBYS (jprzybys@reviewjournal.com)