YOU COULD CALL IT GALLOWS HUMOR, BUT FISH DON’T HAVE NECKS.
Friday’s story about the recent decline of the Moapa dace, an endangered fish found only in a small part of northern Clark County, triggered a flurry of headline suggestions and terrible puns by Review-Journal staffers. None of them made it into print — until now.
Here, with our sincere apologies, are a few of the better/worse ones:
Their dace are numbered
Those were the dace
Dace of thunder
Andrew “Dace” Clay
Daces and eights
Happy dace are here again
Dace of our lives
OVERHEARD ON THE SCANNER: “I hope we’re getting something out of that stimulus package, because these roads are a mess.”
SOME GUYS JUST CAN’T CATCH A BREAK.
In 2007, Nye County law enforcement officers arrested Darrin Tuck after he turned in a video that appeared to show 38-year-old Chester Stiles sexually abusing a toddler.
Tuck, who said he was trying to do the right thing by turning in the tape, was charged with possession of child pornography.
Authorities later reduced the charges.
Last week, Stiles’ trial started in District Court.
On the front page of the free Las Vegas Tribune, a headline announced “Stiles Trial Begins” and showed a picture of a man identified as Stiles. The man in the photo was Darrin Tuck.
LAS VEGAS MAYOR OSCAR GOODMAN RAISED HIS MARTINI GLASS FOR A TOAST Thursday night at an event honoring Capt. Valerie Juick, who heads the Metropolitan Police Department’s downtown area command.
One problem: Few people in the audience had drinks to raise, even though the event was at the Bunkhouse, a downtown bar.
“What are you, a bunch of teetotalers?” he demanded of the crowd, which included a number of uniformed police officers. “Don’t try to pretend you don’t drink and drive.”
Goodman said he was kidding, adding, “But don’t forget to wear your seat belt.”
P.S. Goodman had a designated driver.
OVERHEARD ON THE SCANNER: “The guy driving the truck isn’t such a big fan of police.”
SOMETIMES FOES BECOME FRIENDS.
Clark County’s attorney Kirk Lenhard was able to shave $1.5 million and some interest off a $52.6 million settlement with the contractor who built the much-delayed Regional Justice Center.
Commissioner Steve Sisolak thanked Lenhard for his work.
Acting surprised, Commissioner Rory Reid said he thought it would be “a cold day in hell” before Sisolak thanked Lenhard for anything.
Turns out Lenhard and Sisolak were on opposing sides of a lawsuit years before. Sisolak won $23.5 million from the county for airspace restrictions that curbed building on his land.
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