Marty Cordova’s tan was phony, but his talent was genuine
Many moons ago, when we were young and a bit more vain, Mrs. K. ducked into a tanning salon at a local strip mall. A few minutes later, she ducked right back out. Cook E. Jarr, the Las Vegas lounge crooner of some repute, was coming out of the booth as she was going in.
Cook E. Jarr was a hoot, and between numbers he always was talking about what a good day it had been, because he had bet “Reuschel and the under”and the Giants won 3-2 or 2-1. He also was quite hirsute, and he wore lots of medallions and stuff, and he seemed to perspire a lot. Mrs. K said she would just wear long sleeves at the pool in Phoenix rather than use that tanning booth.
This is absolutely a true story, and it absolutely reminds me of a favorite Marty Cordova story — a yarn that may or may not have been told Friday when the former Bishop Gorman High star and American League Rookie of the Year was inducted into the Southern Nevada Sports Hall of Fame at Orleans Arena.
During the 2002 season, toward the end of his career when Cordova was with Baltimore, he had to sit out a couple of day games after he fell asleep in a tanning booth and burned his face.
It must have been embarrassing, and though it was nowhere near as dubious as when Chuck Finley got beat up by his stiletto-heel-wielding wife, Tawny Kitaen, when Finley was pitching for the Indians, Jim Rome had a field day with it. There’s a scathing, 5-minute, 29-second Rome riff on Cordova feeling the burn that still is accessible on YouTube.
On the other hand, one also should give Cordova his propers for coming clean when the (ersatz) sun got in his eyes.
He could have come up with some bogus story about he and Donald Trump having watched the eclipse of the sun without one of those makeshift pinhole projectors, and that’s why their faces were the color of the Orioles’ alternate jerseys. But he spoke the truth to Baltimore skipper Mike Hargrove.
On Cordova’s Wikipedia page, there’s also a footnote about him being detained while attempting to enter Canada without a passport. This was when he was traveling with his high school pal Dana White on a private plane. The UFC president joked that Cordova wasn’t aware Toronto isn’t in the United States, despite Marty having played for the Blue Jays.
So those are humorous stories. But Jim Rome didn’t talk about Marty Cordova hitting .277 with 24 homers and 84 RBIs for the Twins en route to being named Rookie of the Year in 1995, or investing money after his playing career in a digital software company whose megawatt clients now include Disney and Mattel.
So when it comes to the last laugh, Marty Cordova is the one enjoying it.
HARPER’S VIN NUMBER
It has been sort of a trying season for Bryce Harper, mostly because the bar was set so high by that Sports Illustrated story that came out when he still was in high school — and then because he, himself, raised it so much higher during his spectacular MVP campaign of a year ago.
Harper’s batting average is stuck around .250, and his power numbers are down, and even some of his biggest supporters, such as Yahoo baseball columnist Jeff Passan, are taking shots. Passan suggested the Las Vegas slugger has suddenly turned into a “modern-day Dave Magadan” that may not be worth the $500 million contract people are talking about when he becomes a free agent. (He also predicted Harper would start laying off bad pitches and turn his season around.)
But the cool thing about Harper’s week was that he put his struggles at the plate aside to pay homage to retiring broadcast legend Vin Scully when the Nationals were in Los Angeles.
Harper posted this message on his Instagram account before the game:
“I remember growing up turning on the television and or radio broadcast hearing the amazing and wonderful voice of Mr. Scully talking not only about the players numbers or how they were doing that year, but the stories of life and beyond that! He will not only forever be part of the @dodgers, but also all around the game of baseball..Thank you for the memories and all the incredible things you taught people on and off the air! Thank you Vin #Legend #Dodgers #MLB
A lot of baseball people want Harper to show more class on the field. But off the field, it appears he is doing just fine in that area. Even when he’s not hitting much.
HOCKEY’S ELDER SKATESMEN
A lot of ice hockey enthusiasts around here are firing the puck the length of the ice (and then some) about what Las Vegas’ budding NHL franchise should be called. Seems a lot don’t like Knights, or Black Knights, which is what owner Bill Foley would call his team.
I heard from an old auto racing pal named KJ Howe, who is friends with Parnelli Jones and guys like that, who also operates a winery in town, or near town. A bit of a renaissance man, he also plays ice hockey with fellow seniors at Sobe Arena on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.
The team he plays for is called the Elderskatesmen.
Now this sobriquet would not work for a fledgling NHL team, unless George Allen had something to do with it, and he put it together in the manner he put together the old Washington Redskins.
But should the Team To Be Named Later assemble a forward line comprised of grizzled veterans acquired in the expansion draft, the Elderskatesmen would be the perfect name for it. Nearly as good as the Production Line (Gordie Howe, Sid Abel, Ted Lindsay) in Detroit, the French Connection (Gil Perreault, Rene Robert, Rick Martin) in Buffalo, and the Triple Crown Line (Marcel Dionne, Dave Taylor, Charlie Simmer) in Los Angeles.
SANFORD WITH A ‘D’
The name of the young British man who said he wanted to assassinate presidential candidate Donald Trump is Mike Sandford, with a “D” — Michael S. Sandford.
I saw a wire service correction that stated it was not Michael Sanford, as first reported.
Michael Sanford — Michael C. Sanford, Mike Sanford for short — was a former UNLV football coach. He’s now the coach at Indiana State. When he was the coach at UNLV, the Rebels won only 16 games and lost 43, and there was that night at Iowa State where the Rebels would not leave the field, because Sanford thought they won, and the referees thought otherwise.
But Mike Sanford generally was a pretty good guy who never tried to shoot anybody. Not even those zebras up in Ames.
Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352. Follow him on Twitter: @ronkantowski.
