I feel a disturbance in the Force … oh, wait, it’s just the Friday Slashback!

Some hope looms amidst all the sage grousing, Harry Reid moves to Henderson and Cox Communications continues to annoy its customers. This can only be the Friday Slashback!

• Can’t we all just get along? It occurred to me this week that Nevada representatives of both parties are united in their opposition to the listing of the sage grouse on the federal Endangered Species List. Democrats and Republicans from Nevada agree that such a listing could halt all human activity on hundreds of square miles of federal land, which could thwart mining, ranching, renewable energy development and recreation.

So if political adversaries can come together, maybe we can solve this problem together, as Americans. Even the bitterest of foes might find common ground! In fact, what if we approached both the agents of the Bureau of Land Management and the armed insurrectionists who turned out to “protect” “patriot” Cliven Bundy from “government overreach” and had them work together on a common goal? We know they all have heavy weapons, and they seem like they want to use them. So why not let them unleash all the tensions … by hunting down all the living sage grouses in Nevada and busting a cap in their flightless asses! We could even make it a contest, federals versus militia: Whoever bags more grouse gets to have fully automatic weapons, tax free!

Then, with nothing more to grouse about, we can proceed with fracking up Nevada’s public lands to our heart’s content!

And what of the mysterious, power-draining cylindrical probe that will someday show up on Earth’s doorstep after traveling for about 200 years from the Sage Grouse Homeworld to find out why they lost contact with Earth’s sage grouse population? Who’s going to go back in time to nab some sage grouse to fix that problem? Ah, we’ll all be long gone by then, so who cares?

• Fire Harry Reid is the latest GOP meme, aimed at Republicans winning control of the Senate in November. (Republicans have tried for years to fire Reid here at home, but haven’t been able to do it despite an increasingly lame cast of misfits nominated to oppose him. Say what you will about John Ensign, but at least the guy nearly won!)

No, what the Fire Harry Reid campaign is all about is firing Reid from his position as Senate majority leader by installing a Republican majority and a new leader. But Reid seems to be taking the whole thing in stride, and even raising money off it. Here’s what he said in a fundraising email this week:

The Republican National Committee wants to fire me. At least that’s what they’re saying in their robocalls.

They want to turn the Senate control over to the Tea Party. And with me out of the way, their out-of-control agenda could sail right through.

…

The Kochs, Karl Rove, and the RNC would love nothing more than a Senate that answers to them.

Privatize Social Security? Sure. Turn Medicare into a voucher system? Why not. Ignore the middle class? As long as the billionaires get their tax breaks.

We can’t let a Koch-sponsored Senate become a reality. Give $5 toward our $25,000 goal and keep fighting the outside influence in our elections.

Here’s the good news — the RNC can’t fire me as long as I have you.

Thank you for everything.

Now, technically, Reid asking people for money (even small-dollar donations) is inviting “outside influence in our elections,” but that’s not really the point. What is the point? The GOP raises money by using the tantalizing prospect of firing the hated Reid as a goal; Reid raises money by warning of the dangers of what could happen if Republicans control the Senate. And people on both sides keep on giving to the only real winners: politicians.

On the other hand, Republicans probably would try to privatize Social Security, turn Medicare into a voucher system and ignore the middle class for high-income earner tax breaks, so there’s that.

• This is really going to anger Henderson residents who object to airplane noise. Tell you what, thrill-seekers: You want the real sky combat experience? How about if Henderson homeowners who live near the airport get to use Triple-A (that’s anti-aircraft artillery, for the uninitiated) and SAMs (that’s surface-to-air missiles) while you fly by? Now that’s fun for everybody!

• Speaking of Henderson, welcome to town, Senator Reid! You totally made the right choice, moving to this part of the valley instead of, say, Summerlin. You are really going to enjoy living here. One thing, though: You’ve got to watch out for Henderson city officials driving around town. If they’re not legally drunk, or at least tipsy, they’re driving vehicles so badly they catch on fire! It’s kind of a chronic problem.

But other than that, Henderson rocks!

• Busted! Chalk another one up for Nevada’s election crime-fighters. Hortencia Segura-Munoz, an illegal immigrant arrested and initially charged with felonies after falsely registering to vote under the fake name “Mariela Reyna” and casting a ballot in the 2008 and 2010 elections, pled guilty to lesser charges in Washoe County this week. Her sentence: 103 days in jail already served, plus nearly $1,000 costs and fees.

Oh, in case your’re wondering: She registered as a Republican. Irony, thy name is Hortencia Segura-Munoz! Or Mariela Reyna.

• Oh, snap! You’d expect a Republican state senator to endorse the Republican nominee for attorney general, right? Even if that particular state senator, Greg Brower of Reno, was said to have once coveted the job for himself. But according to the intrepid Ray Hagar of the Reno Gazette-Journal, Brower is not endorsing GOP AG nominee Adam Laxalt, who’s facing a tough race against Democratic nominee Secretary of State Ross Miller (scroll to the end of the Reno story for that item).

Brower says he’s really just too busy to have made an endorsement: “I just really have not been focused on that or involved in that. I’m working very hard on getting our [state] Senate candidates elected. As you know, we are one seat shy of a majority [in the state Senate].” Sure, yeah, that must take up a lot of time.

The idea of endorsements in this race has been battered like an old suitcase. Laxalt trumpeted the endorsements from sheriffs elected in Republican counties like it was real news. Then, he claimed former state Sen. Bill Raggio would have endorsed him, although Raggio’s widow said her husband had agreed to back Miller. And some members of the Laxalt family are backing Miller.

Do endorsements matter? Generally no. But if this race is remembered for anything (besides the Clash of the Famous Nevada Names) it will be the odd side battles over who supported whom.

• Let’s focus on the positive, shall we, and not, say, our company’s $24.2 billion in debt, Caesars officials say. That’s too bad, because I wanted to ask if they know that $24.2 billion is enough to buy 10.9 billion Big Macs (under McDonald’s current two for $4.44 special!). That’s enough so that every American could have 36 of those bad boys, or more than two per month. Damn, that’s a lot of debt. And arterial sclerosis!

• OK, Cox Communications! It’s raining! We get it! There are few things more annoying than the emergency alert messages broadcast on Cox Communications cable channels during periods of monsoonal storms. Not only is the alert tone irritating, but there is no way to get the damn thing to shut up! (Yes, I did try using the “exit” button on the remote; it kills the text scrolling at the top of the screen, but not the annoying audio.)

Look, Cox, I get it. It’s raining. It might even be flooding, miles away from my house. I mean, I don’t really need you to tell me that, so long as I have access to that other high-tech device known as “a window.” But listen, I promise I will remain indoors and not drive across any flooded streets if only you’d promise in return to shut up and let me watch the damn TV show I was watching before you so rudely interrupted! In fact, the chances that I will stop watching TV and go outside and get into trouble increase so long as you keep interrupting what’s on TV!

So let’s do this: On the next generation of remotes, let’s be sure to include a button marked “STFU.” Pressing it will immediately cancel all emergency alerts (as well as change the channel if I somehow accidentally tuned into “The View”). Deal?

• So, can we, like, I don’t know, slap a dome on the UNLV stadium later? You know, like putting on a hat or something? Like a hard top convertible? They can do that, right?

• With all the terrible news about alleged police abuses going on in Ferguson, Mo., it’s nice to be reminded that most cops do the job for the right reason, and rarely get the credit for it. Here’s one young lady who hasn’t forgotten an officer who once saved her life.

• Diversity of Voices/High-Quality Journalism Update: Remember that one time that Las Vegas Sun Editor and Publisher and Now-Owner Brian Greenspun sued Stephens Media, owner of the Review-Journal and the very website upon which this fine blog is published, over a plan to dissolve the joint-operating agreement between the two papers? And then how he moved to dismiss the lawsuit as moot after he bought the paper outright from his family and ended the JOA negotiations? Yeah, funny story: Stephens wants Greenspun to pay its costs. Better hope that medical marijuana side business works out, Mr. Greenspun…

• Keystone Cops Update: They say birds of an incompetent feather flock up together, or something like that, but it’s certainly true with respect to Constable John Bonaventura and his deputy/lawyer Robert Pool. Bonaventura hired Pool to sue some other constables who dared to do constable stuff outside of their jurisdictions in Las Vegas, and when the county wouldn’t pay the legal fees, Bonaventura deputized Pool so he could pay him.

But it turns out that Pool doesn’t know that much about appellate procedure, which sucks, since that’s pretty much what Bonaventura’s lawsuit required. Asked by the judge in the case what his specialty is, Pool replied: “A lot of insurance defense, criminal defense, just general litigation but this — appeals and things — is all kind of new to me,” Pool said. For the record, not what you want to hear from your attorney.

And now, Pool owes more than $12,000 in fees, assessments and costs, and could go to jail if he doesn’t pay up by month’s end. And that totally sucks, because we all know what happens to cops behind bars!

• Vacation, all I ever wanted! I’ll be taking a late-summer break for the next couple weeks, to achieve the proper zen-like state required to endure a general election campaign. (Zen-like state ingredients: Scotch and cigars!) I’ll see you back here Sept. 5.