5 gift ideas for music lovers
As a music fan, ever get the feeling that Santa used your Christmas stocking as an airsickness bag? But, just because your “friends” and “loved ones” always seem to get you crappy gifts — gee, thanks for that 13-disc set of Scritti Politti rarities, Ma — doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. Behold, the five most awesome presents for music fans, ever.
Kiss Cremation Urn
What’s even hotter than the self-professed “hottest band in the world”? The flames that will reduce your loved ones to ash upon their deaths. Hey, dry your eyes, crybaby. Yeah, Grandpa may be dead, but he never rocked the ever-loving crap out of your mantelpiece until now, did he?
$499.95, memorials.com
Potty Piano
Ever wonder how Meghan Trainor composes her songs? Trick question! She doesn’t write that piffle. No, there’s professional, highly paid tunesmiths for that. And this keyboard toilet mat is what they use.*
*None of this true. Except that part about Meghan Trainor’s tunes being piffle.
$21.99, stupid.com
Death Metal Onesie
Start your newborn on the right track in life by getting him or her hooked on the greatest, most stimulating form of music ever created: death metal. This sweet onesie will advertise your baby’s fandom and intellectual superiority all at once. Now, where to find a lullaby version of Obituary’s “Slowly We Rot”?
$16.55, zazzle.com
Pink Floyd, “The Early Years Box Set: 1964-1972”
Pink Floyd founding member/psych rock prime mover Syd Barrett did tons of LSD and eventually went bonkers. Now you can free fall down the same mental rabbit hole with this massive 27-disc set that chronicles Barrett’s time in the band and more — much, much more. Seriously, if you can make it through this insanely dense collection without going a bit crazy, it’s because you already are.
$550, shop.pinkfloyd.com
Luke Bryan shot glass
If you absolutely, positively, no-way-around-it have to listen to Luke Bryan — you know, like a home intruder has kicked down your front door and is threatening to crush your beloved pet gerbil Dr. Knuckles with a cinder block unless you cue up “Tailgates & Tanlines,” like, right now! — you’re going to need to be good and drunk. We’re talking Nick Nolte levels of loaded here, dude. This handy utensil will “help.” And Dr. Knuckles shall live on.
$10, lukebryan.com
