Vince Neil on “Celebrity Wife Swap” — VIDEO

Did you happen to catch Celebrity Wife Swap a few nights ago? We did, and holy crap! Talk about a two dudes on polar opposite ends of the fun spectrum – but then that’s kind of always been the case with these two.

For his part, Gunnar Nelson has never been edgy – not now and certainly not back in the day, when he and his genetic replicate Matthew made music that everybody’s sister and her friends used to swoon and wave their lighters to – but these days, he makes Manilow seem like a madman. These days, Gunnar, the son of Ricky Nelson and grandson of Ozzie, looks more like his pop and has more in common with his grandad. The hair’s gone, and he’s all sorts of domesticated and uptight.

Vince Neil, meanwhile, is the frontman of Motley EFFING Crue. In contrast to the pappy pop being purveyed by Nelson, Neil and company were on a highway to hell, brother, all sex, drugs and Nikki Sixx! These days, he’s a little grayer and a little chubbier, but he’s not much worse for the wear, considering that three decades have passed. These days when he’s not kickstarting hearts, Vince owns an indoor football team and restaurant called, succinctly, Eat, Drink, Party, both here in Las Vegas.

Vince doesn’t have a wife currently but rather a girlfriend named Rain (aka Rainbow), who was barely out of diapers when Sixx was mainlining Jack and who’s doing her absolute best to land the role of wife number five. Gunnar, on the other hand, is married, but he’s essentially a newlywed. He and his wife, Lila, whom he met at a gig, have only shared surnames for about six months – though they’ve been together for two years.

When the swap itself happens, Rain heads to Nashville, and Lila makes her way to our fair city. When Rain walks into the Nelson estate, which looks exactly like the type of house where you’d expect soccer parents to preside over, she astutely notes — after spotting a picture of the Nelson twins and realizing where she’s at — “You would never know a rockstar lives here.”

In contrast, when Lila first pulls up to Vince’s house, she has the complete opposite reaction: “Everything about this says fast,” she says, upon pulling up and seeing Vince’s rides, and after she makes her way in and takes a look around the place, she observes, “Whoever this is, definitely lives over the top. It’s like, ‘Go big, or go home.’

“Oh, my gosh, I recognize him from here,” Lila says a few beats later when she spies a picture on the wall of the home’s owner. “I’m in Vince Neil’s house. It makes total sense. Hot women, fast cars and rock and roll.”

Meanwhile, back at Gunnar’s place, Rain’s making lunch for the kids when she notes how the Nelsons practice old school parenting, after seeing Gunnar send his step daughter upstairs to change into something less revealing than the daisy dukes she’s wearing.

He turns the dad dial up a few more notches a few scenes later when we find him entertaining Rain by hanging drywall and regaling her with a story of how he once got all sideways with one of his daughter’s gentlemen callers who called him dude.

“I am not ‘dude,’” he recalls, “I’m Mr. Nelson, and you need to split.”

Old school, alright, Rain, as in Ozzie and Harriet.

Later in the episode, Rain tells Gunnar he needs to be a rockstar.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he say, not even being coy at all.

“We’re going to give you those long locks that everybody wants,” she went on, holding up a long blond wig matching his mane from the Revlon era. “This is the Gunnar we all fell in love with. I’ve played by all your rules..”

“Totally true,” says the guy that also appeared on Celebrity Fit Club. “But I’m not going to turn myself into a parody. That won’t happen.”

The rest of the episode goes pretty much as scripted, centered on the whole fish out of water premise “Wife Swap” is built upon. And as you’d expect, all the highlights from this episode involve Vince.

There’s a segment featuring his dog Cali spending some quality time with her very own psychic. No kidding. And then there’s a part where Vince is kicking it at dinner with Robin Leach and a table full of ladies, including his daughter Elle, who brings up his sex tape, which is precisely as awkward as it sounds. And, alas, Vince’s most definitive moment of the episode, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, scenes of him partying, doing shots, slurring and then finally drinking out a toilet bowl — and that’s just halfway into the episode.

Ah, yes, Dr. Feelgood, there you are. Good to see you, buddy.

Read more of Dave Herrera at bestoflasvegas.com. Contact Dave at dherrera@reviewjournal.com.