Grab some snacks and get comfy for this year’s Couchies

There will be no awkward banter between presenters. No fancy gift bags. And no Hugh Jackman musical numbers that make you say, "That's the guy who plays Wolverine? Seriously? That guy?"

The economy has taken its toll on the third annual Couchies, the awards that honor the categories the Emmys forgot, but probably would have screwed up even if they'd remembered.

Thanks to a budget that would only cover a pony keg and some Cheetos, celebrities are staying away from this year's ceremony. Which is probably just as well, considering how handsy Cloris Leachman got during last year's gala.

And the Couchies go to:

Best Use of Southern Nevada: "Living Lohan"

Following several episodes of indifferent, sometimes horrendous parenting, stage mom from hell Dina Lohan landed in Las Vegas and almost immediately began showing what appeared to be genuine concern for her children. Even her son Cody, who never made her a dime.

Worst Use of Southern Nevada: "Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam of Crystal"

It's tough to tell which came out looking worse in the HBO documentary: Nye County, some of the worst parts of which were shown, or Fleiss, who, during the course of the 70-minute film, went from a posh hotel suite to wandering the desert, covered in filth, picking up rocks and questioning the sexuality of a burro.

Best Cheap Shot in an Episode Title: "Supernatural"

The name of the CW drama's tale of an evil magician, which appeared in TV grids in newspapers across the country, including this one: "Criss Angel Is a Douche Bag."

Best trend: Fewer commercials

With "Fringe" and "Dollhouse," Fox experimented with shorter commercial breaks, usually either 60 or 90 seconds in length, hoping viewers -- at least those who stubbornly refuse to use a DVR -- wouldn't have time to change the channel. The results? About eight more minutes of sci-fi goodness in each episode and a rash of swollen bladders.

Worst trend: Enormous families

Thanks to the Octo-Mom backlash, viewers finally may start to see these TV broods, which include everything from sextuplets to 18 kids of all ages, as what they really are: crimes against nature.

The Brian Dunkleman Expendability Award: Kara DioGuardi

The newest "American Idol" judge's biggest contributions so far have been adding to the time it takes to fast forward between Randy's critiques and Simon's and making the Tuesday version run so long that my DVR cut off the end of "Fringe." Three times.

Worst Parenting, Non-Dina Lohan Division: "Rock of Love Bus"

Lohan again looks pretty good, this time compared with a group of moms who, in search of a day off, left their small children at a hotel pool to be looked after by the tiny-bikini-and-stripper-heeled contestants without even bothering to ask whether there was enough chlorine in the water to kill all that chlamydia.

Best Performance by a Reality TV Star: Lauren Conrad

The fledgling fashion designer seemed much more convincing reading the lines she was given for her guest spot on "Family Guy" than she ever has while reading the lines she was given for "The Hills."

Worst Leaks: "24"

Just before the president (Cherry Jones) was taken hostage by terrorists, it was announced that she'd return next season. Just before a building containing FBI agent Renee Walker (Annie Wersching) exploded, it was announced that she'd return next season. I wasn't expecting either of them to actually die, but it would have been nice to have kept alive the possibility that, like roughly 98 percent of the people Jack Bauer comes into contact with, they would.

Best Cultural Advancement: Hulu

If you miss an episode of your favorite show -- assuming it's on NBC, Fox, their cable counterparts or, coming soon, ABC -- you now can find it online in one convenient place. Also, it has every episode of "Square Pegs."

Best Bad TV Moment: "One Tree Hill"

Dan Scott (Paul Johansson), who could give Lohan a run for her bad-parenting money, was about to receive a long-awaited new heart when a Marx Brothers movie broke out. A courier brought the heart -- in a Styrofoam container I wouldn't trust with some Old Milwaukee -- into the lobby, where he tripped over a dog -- which never would have been allowed in a hospital in the first place -- causing the heart to fall out of the flimsy cooler and skitter across the floor so the dog could devour it. And this is a show that's been on the air as long as "Deadwood" and "Arrested Development." Combined.

Least Self-Aware Quote: Teresa Giudice

"I'm not fake," the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" star said. "I don't try to be someone I'm not. I wanna get breast implants." And, perhaps, a dictionary.

Christopher Lawrence's Life on the Couch column appears on Sundays. E-mail him at clawrence@reviewjournal.com.