Super Bowl might be last hurrah for NBC

Watching today's Super Bowl XLIII is going to be bittersweet. Sweet because, really, who isn't up for XIII or XIV hours of football? Bitter, though, because it represents the last wheezy, raspy, Tom Waits-with-bronchitis gasp of a dying network.

Given the sorry state of NBC's once proud schedule, the game will be the final reason for many Americans to watch the network until the Winter Olympics more than a year from now. But unless somebody's been teaching Michael Phelps how to ski, skate or curl, even those ratings won't be enough to dig the network out of its current hole.

And now comes word that NBC has hired a marketing firm to tell it what kind of shows to make. According to an article in Variety, the network needs advice on whether to focus on, among other things, shows that appeal to young men, single-camera comedy or "quality drama."

Seriously? Despite a major round of layoffs, the network is paying someone to decide if it should aim for quality?

You can almost hear the consultant NBC turned to last year: "You know what? I'm just thinking outside the box here. A little spitballing, if you will. But how about this season, you just focus on crap?"

In reality, it doesn't matter what the network focuses on. There won't be enough free hours on its schedule to make a difference. And for that, you can thank Jay Leno.

Technically, you can thank Ben Silverman, the NBC entertainment co-chairman who, starting this fall, will turn over the 10 p.m. hour each weeknight to Leno. But you get the idea.

NBC already is committed to airing football on Sundays, and no cash-strapped network will pay for original programming on Saturdays. So that leaves 8 to 10 p.m., Mondays through Fridays, or 10 hours to fill this fall.

Once you factor in the certainties -- Thursday's two-hour comedy block, a couple of "Law & Orders," "Heroes," "Deal or No Deal" and "The Biggest Loser" (although hopefully just an hour's worth; at its current two hours, the show's more bloated than its contestants) -- that leaves all of three hours unaccounted for.

NBC will use what's left of its promotional muscle this evening to tout the return of "Chuck" (8 p.m. Monday, KVBC-TV, Channel 3), the lovably goofy spy series that airs a special 3-D episode this week. Hopefully, the network also will plug the return of the clever detective series "Life" (9 p.m. Wednesday).

Watch them. They're the best shows on network TV you didn't know were on. With any luck, they'll also make the fall schedule. But that would leave just one free hour to fill, and you can't rebuild a network with just one hour.

Truth be told, you can see why shortsighted NBC leapt at the Leno deal. It costs between $350,000 and $400,000 to produce one hour of a talk show compared to the $2 million to $3 million for each hour of each drama he'll be replacing. And it plays into NBC's new keep-it-cheap philosophy.

Last summer, Silverman crowed that the network was putting so little money into "Crusoe" that it didn't really matter if no one watched it. Well, no one did. (Show of hands, how many of you even knew there was a "Crusoe"?)

It's the same thing with Leno. In his heart, even Jay knows he's going to come in a distant third in the time slot. Fourth if he's up against a particularly strong telenovela. But a few million people still will show up for very little money. (You "Crusoe" fans can put your hands down, by the way. Both of you.)

But is that any way to run a network? If the only thing that matters in this new economy is the perfect dollar-to-viewer ratio, allow me to pitch "Home Movies." Find a large, multigenerational family willing to surrender its vacation footage for free, air it as is -- just push play; no fancy host or graphics necessary -- and if a couple of dozen aunts, uncles and cousins tune in to see that trip to the Grand Canyon, well, your next set of bar graphs will be off the charts!

The thing is, though, NBC isn't selling widgets. It's selling Jims and Pams. And Hiros. And ... boy, there's kind of a dearth of current NBC characters who've crossed over into the mainstream, isn't there?

And that's part of the problem.

But it's a problem that never will be fixed as long as Leno is keeping as many as five new dramas or 10 new comedies off the air.

Christopher Lawrence's Life on the Couch column appears on Sundays. E-mail him at clawrence@reviewjournal.com.