What it’s like to watch ‘Titanic’ for the very first time

To celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Titanic,” writer-director James Cameron has remastered the Oscar-winning love story yet again. A weeklong 3-D engagement will begin Friday in Dolby Cinema at 20 AMC locations, including Town Square.

“The image leaps off the screen as bright and vibrant as life itself,” Cameron said in a statement. “This is the way all movies should be seen, and without a doubt, ‘Titanic’ has never looked better.”

I wouldn’t know. I’d never seen it.

“How?!?!?!” cried every woman in my life when I admitted this. Easy. By actively avoiding it. I’ve just never had any desire to see one of history’s greatest disasters nearly upstaged by an upstairs-down-in-steerage romance between Rose (Kate Winslet) and Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio).

Also, it lasts an eternity.

I used to say you couldn’t pay me to watch “Titanic,” but it turns out I was wrong.

So here, after 20 years, are my minute-by-minute reactions to seeing one of the biggest movies of all time for the first time:

1:30 What’s this? Submarines? Is that what really sank Titanic? How have I missed this?

2:17 Nope. It’s just research vessels exploring the wreckage. Disappointing. But, yay, Bill Paxton!

13:32 Whoa, whoa, whoa! I’ve already seen young Rose’s breast at least a half dozen times.

14:26 Rose is now 100 years old and in a wheelchair, yet she still brings her dog on a helicopter to a salvage ship in the middle of the North Atlantic.

14:41 She also brings her goldfish.

18:37 Crew member Lewis Bodine: “The stern section just kind of bobs there like a cork for a couple of minutes, floods and finally goes under about 2:20 a.m., 2 hours and 40 minutes after the collision.” Sure, that sounds like an agonizingly long time. But the sinking lasted 35 minutes less than this movie.

21:04 We’re finally getting to the actual story.

25:07 Jack and his best friend, Fabrizio, win third-class Titanic tickets in a poker game.

29:30 Old Rose: “By the next afternoon, we were steaming west from the coast of Ireland with nothing out ahead of us but ocean.” Well, ocean and a certain iceberg.

32:33 Jack: “I’m the king of the world!” There are roughly 2,400 passengers on that ship. How is it that Jack and Fabrizio are the only ones taking in the best view? Heck, they’re the only people on the entire foredeck.

39:42 Jack: “To tell you the truth, I’m a lot more concerned about that water being so cold.” Foreshadowing!

50:56 Jack: “That’s one of the good things about Paris — lots of girls willing to take their clothes off.” If that’s not on the city’s coat of arms, it oughtta be.

1:02:37 Everybody keeps talking about how poor Jack is. He won his ticket in a card game. Wouldn’t he have needed at least the cash value of that ticket to play that hand? That’s how poker works, right?

1:05:44 Hey! Fabrizio’s back! Missed ya, buddy.

1:10:13 Sure, the guy with the bagpipes is fun at the steerage party, but imagine having to bunk with him.

1:16:44 Is Rose seriously pointing out to Thomas Andrews, the shipbuilder who oversaw the production of Titanic, that there aren’t enough lifeboats for everyone on board? Yeesh.

1:21:40 Now Jack’s “I’m the king of the world”-ing Rose. Seriously, why is no one else ever on the deck? Did James Cameron blow the budget for extras on special effects?

1:28:42 Old Rose is telling the crew about her sex life. Gross.

1:37:42 The lookouts stare as Jack and Rose make out on the deck that’s, yet again, otherwise empty.

1:38:07 The lookouts stop gawking at Jack and Rose, finally notice the iceberg and sound the alarm.

1:40:23 Titanic very nearly avoids the iceberg. In other words, 1,500 people died because those two horndogs couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Nice.

1:40:38 Hey! Fabrizio’s back!

1:41:00 The flooding finally starts. This isn’t half bad.

1:43:18 Hey! Fabrizio’s back!

1:51:32 When confronted by Rose, Andrews tells her the ship will be on the bottom of the Atlantic in an hour or so. “Please,” he begs, “tell only who you must. I don’t want to be responsible for a panic.” Fifteen hundred icy deaths, sure. Just not a panic.

1:54:11 Oh, so now that the ship is sinking, everybody’s suddenly clamoring to be on the deck.

2:06:24 Rose doesn’t hesitate to carry an ax through frigid, chest-deep water to rescue a handcuffed Jack. Jack’s first words after being freed? “You did it! Come on, let’s go. Oh (expletive), this is cold! (Expletive)! (Expletive)! (Expletive)!” What a weenie.

2:08:53 Hey! Fabrizio’s back!

2:09:50 Fabrizio and Jack share a scene for the first time in an hour.

2:13:01 Jokes aside, this sinking is pretty spectacular.

2:20:12 Is Billy Zane seriously running around firing a gun at Jack and Rose, after he’d already left them behind to die? Oof.

2:27:54 How no one thought to give Zane a mustache to twirl is beyond me.

2:31:03 Wow! Things actually slow down enough to recognize the human tragedy and the seriousness of the disaster.

2:32:38 Hey! Fabrizio’s back!

2:36:02 R.I.P. Fabrizio.

2:38:35 How has Jack still not gotten his hands on a life jacket? I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this.

2:39:19 The way people keep sliding off this ship, if “Ka” ever stops turning a profit, Cirque du Soleil should repurpose its vertical stage for “Titanic: The Musical.”

2:43:40 Some of the CGI is a little obvious, but for a 20-year-old movie, the technology has held up remarkably well.

2:50:49 Rose tells Jack she loves him. That’s almost as fast as the ladies on “The Bachelor.” But if you love him so much, why don’t you scooch over a bit and make some room for him on that floating hunk of wood?

2:55:49 And Jack’s dead. At least he’ll finally get to spend some quality time with Fabrizio.

2:56:58 Hey, Rose. Did you really need to pry Jack’s frozen hands off your hunk of wood and send him to the murky depths? You couldn’t even let him have a proper burial? That’s cold. No pun intended.

2:57:54 Old Rose is back. Wait a minute. I forgot this whole movie was her telling her story to the crew of the salvage ship. So how did she know what went on during the countless scenes she isn’t in? C’mon, James Cameron!

3:04:40 Rather than selling it to provide for her granddaughter, and her granddaughter’s granddaughter’s granddaughter — or even funding a war on icebergs — Old Rose chucks that massive diamond necklace into the sea. Selfish.

3:05:40 And she’s dead.

3:06:20 So if you were on Titanic, heaven is returning to Titanic? What about all the crew members? They’re sentenced to an eternity of serving others while never seeing their loved ones? Seems pretty harsh.

3:06:33 Hey! Fabrizio’s back!

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com or 702-380-4567. Follow @life_onthecouch on Twitter.

Five must-see acts at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2018
Five must-see acts at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2018
The "13 Reasons Why" mustang cruises down the Las Vegas Strip (Courtesy Netflix)
4 fun and fascinating museums in Las Vegas
U2 in Vegas through the years
U2 in Vegas through the years
Dirt Dog In Las Vegas Makes Crazy L.A. Street Food
Dirt Dog In Las Vegas Makes Crazy L.A. Street Food (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-journal)
Black Tap In Las Vegas Makes This Instagram-ready Golden Knights Shake (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-journal)
Nevada Ballet Theatre Premieres Until December
‘Until December’ debuts at ‘Ballet & Broadway’ season finale (Carol Cling Las Vegas
Celebrate The Golden Knights With Knights-inpired Latte Art (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Yodeling Boy Mason Ramsey Signs With Atlantic Records, Debuts First Single
Yodeling Boy Mason Ramsey Signs With Atlantic Records, Debuts First Single Ramsey, who shot to fame after a viral video of him yodeling at an Illinois Walmart surfaced, just debuted “Famous.” “If I'm gonna be famous for somethin'/I wanna be famous for lovin' you/If I'm gonna be known around the world/I wanna because of you, girl” Mason Ramsey, “Famous” It’s been quite the rush to stardom for the 11-year-old, who appeared on The Ellen Show and performed at Coachella earlier this month. “I’d been to Nashville a few times before, but never thought something like this would happen. It’s a dream to sign with Atlantic and Big Loud.” Mason Ramsey “I loved recording ‘Famous’ and can’t wait for everyone to hear it.”
Steve Aoki, Pitbull And Other Stars Make An Apperance At The "Keep Memory Alive" Gala
Steve Aoki, Pitbull And Other Stars Make An Apperance At The "Keep Memory Alive" Gala. (Janna Karel Las Vegas review-Journal)
"Hamilton" Fans Line Up Overnight At Smith Center To Get Tickets
"Hamilton" fans line up overnight at Smith Center to get tickets. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
5 concerts to see in Las Vegas this week
You can visit the speakeasy in The Mob Museum's basement... if you know the password
6 new foods hitting movie theaters in 2018
Lip Smacking Foodie Tours takes you where the locals go
Donald Contursi talks about Lip Smacking Foodie Tours, which offers walking tours of restaurants on and off Las Vegas Boulevard with food samples and tidbits of history about the places they visit.
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Welcomes New Baby Girl!
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Welcomes New Baby Girl! The 45-year-old actor posted an adorable photo on Instagram, celebrating his newborn baby girl, Tiana Gia Johnson. Dwayne Johnson, via Instagram Dwayne Johnson, via Instagram Dwayne Johnson, via Instagram This is Johnson’s second daughter with his girlfriend, Lauren Hashian. His oldest daughter, Simone Garcia Johnson, came from his previous marriage. Johnson and Hashian first announced they were expecting another child back in January. Congratulations!!
Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend Car Show celebrates 21st year
The Stray Cats, Jerry Lee Lewis, Duane Eddy, Elvira and Mitch Polzak make appearances the 21st Annual Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend car show at the Orleans hotel and casino on Saturday, April 21, 2018.
This "Alice in Wonderland" cocktail changes colors and flavors while you sip
Take a tour of The Underground at The Mob Museum
Prince death investigation coming to an end
Prosecutors in Minnesota plan an announcement Thursday on the two-year investigation into Prince's death from a drug overdose Prince was 57 when he was found alone and unresponsive in an elevator at his Paisley Park estate on April 21, 2016. An autopsy found he died of an accidental overdose of fentanyl. Search warrants unsealed about a year after Prince died showed that authorities searched his home, cellphone records of associates and his email accounts to try to determine how he got the drug. The county attorney has scheduled a morning announcement at which time charges could be filed.
Art Bell’s Top 10 Shows
A selection of radio host Art Bell’s most popular shows.
Big Bounce America visits North Las Vegas
Billing itself as "the biggest bounce house in the world," Big Bounce America visits Craig Ranch Regional Park in Las Vegas.
David Copperfield in court after man injured during magic trick
The attorney for a British man who is suing illusionist David Copperfield said his client suffered serious injuries after being called on stage during Copperfield's show at MGM Grand.
Disneyland debuts new foods for Pixar Fest on Friday
Pixar Fest takes place ahead of California Adventure’s Pixar Pier expansion. (Janna Karel/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Sneak Peek at New Decorations, Merch and Parade for Disneyland's Pixar Fest
Las Vegas Philharmonic celebrates 20th anniversary season
Orchestra’s 2018-19 season features premiere, more (Carol Cling/Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Downtown Las Vegas' newest bar is a reggae lounge
Jammyland serves island-inspired cocktails. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
5 things connecting Las Vegas and Marilyn Monroe
1. Marilyn Monroe, known then as Norma Jeane, obtained her first divorce in Las Vegas at the age of 20 on September 13, 1946. 2. According to some biographers, Monroe lived at 604 S. 3rd Street for four months during the summer of 1946. The house has since been torn down and is now the site of a parking lot. 3. In 1954, Monroe almost married Joe DiMaggio in Las Vegas but the wedding was called off last minute. The wedding was to be held at the Hotel El Rancho Vegas which was located on the southwest corner of Sahara Avenue and Las Vegas Boulevard. 4. Las Vegas has at least one road dedicated to the star. Marilyn Monroe Avenue is located in east Las Vegas and intersects with Betty Davis Street and Cary Grant Court. 5. There are currently more than 20 Marilyn Monroe impersonators for hire in the Las Vegas Valley.
This boozy milkshake is big enough to share with seven of your best friends
Fiddlestix makes an "8 Man Milkshake" that's packed with alcohol. (Janna Karel Las Vegas Review-Journal)
Five Chris Stapleton songs you need to hear
News Headlines
Home Front Page Footer Listing
You May Like

You May Like