Lovitz-Macdonald rivalry rivals Agassi-Sampras

In the realm of celebrity feuds, here's a little funny one. "Saturday Night Live" alums Jon Lovitz and Norm Macdonald are talking smack about each other's tennis game.

Macdonald told ESPN's Bill Simmons he beats Lovitz at tennis merely by "tinking" the ball over the net. Macdonald, 47, said Lovitz, 53, couldn't reach the ball because he "lumbers" on the court.

"He starts thinking I'm doing something illegal" by hitting drop shots, Macdonald said. "He thinks you're supposed to hit it TO him."

I inquired about this faceoff directly with Lovitz, who performs this weekend at the Palms.

"He said what?" Lovitz exclaimed comically.

"Well, first of all, he's a horrible tennis player," Lovitz said. "I'm used to hitting it really hard. And he's dinking it. So it totally throws your rhythm off. But that's a strategy to beat somebody.

"The other thing is, he cheats," Lovitz said without elaborating.

"And after every point he won," Lovitz said, "he would just start talking about it and gloating. He would tell his friend -- 'I just won a point' -- for, like, five minutes!

"It was ridiculous. In retrospect, it was very funny. But it was driving me nuts."

They're still friends, obviously.

"Norm is brilliantly funny," Lovitz said.

Lovitz performs tonight and Saturday at the Palms Lounge ($40-$80). He jokes about himself, politics, religion, race and celebrities, and he plays piano and sings.

"The show's pretty silly," he said.

here's a look at what's happening this weekend

Saturday, M Resort's dayclub pool party starts selling $8 pasties for women to apply on the spot = genius next trend. Saturday night, M kicks off its poolside nightclub. ... KT Tunstall plays free shows tonight and Saturday in the Book & Stage lounge at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. ... Steve Aoki and Lil Jon are the DJs Sunday at Encore Beach Club. ... Aoki spins tonight at Surrender. ... Trance trio Above & Beyond is at Tao Beach on Sunday. ... Nikki Reed from "Twilight" parties Friday at Gallery. ... Charlie Hunnam from "Sons of Anarchy" hosts tonight at Chateau with T. Pain on DJ. ... Audrina Patridge hosts Saturday at Wet Republic pool party. ... And Elvis Costello and The Imposters rock the Palms tonight. I have an interview with Costello in today's Neon section.

Doug Elfman's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Contact him at delfman@review journal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.