Aside from ‘The Cobie Smulders Show,’ Jack Reacher sequel sputters

For years, Marvel fans have been calling for Black Widow, the Avenger played by Scarlett Johansson, to get her own movie. But I’m holding out hope for one focusing on Maria Hill, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent portrayed by “How I Met Your Mother’s” Cobie Smulders.

Because while Tom Cruise’s involvement is the only reason “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back” exists, the sequel quickly turns into “The Cobie Smulders Show.” And, in a delightful surprise, the actress proves feisty, flirty and extremely skilled with both her fists and her feet.

Reacher (Cruise), the self-described “drifter with nothing to lose,” is still hitching a ride from one bit of mayhem to the next while periodically calling Major Susan Turner (Smulders), who has taken over his old office and job as the head of a military investigative unit.

But when Reacher buys a bus ticket and travels to D.C. to take her on a long-promised dinner date, he learns she’s been arrested for espionage. Reacher meets with her lawyer, who soon turns up dead, with Reacher framed for the crime and sent to the same military prison as Turner. Minutes later, they’ve escaped and are on the run.

Before long, they’ve picked up Samantha (Danika Yarosh), the streetwise 15-year-old who’s become a target of a conspiracy involving rogue military contractors, because she may be the daughter Reacher never knew he had and the easiest way to hurt him.

The rest of “Never Go Back” plays out like a Reacher family vacation. And, well, let’s just say there’s a reason Reacher usually works alone.

Edward Zwick, who helmed Cruise’s “The Last Samurai,” directs from a script he co-wrote with Marshall Herskovitz, with whom he created “Thirtysomething,” and Richard Wenk (“The Magnificent Seven” remake). It’s based on author Lee Child’s “Never Go Back,” which is either one of the lesser entries in his 21-book series or it just got bungled on its way to the big screen.

I was part of the minority that really enjoyed 2012’s “Jack Reacher” and didn’t really care that Cruise didn’t in any way resemble the hulking literary character. But the sequel strips the reimagined Reacher character of most of the qualities that set him apart in the original.

Back then, Reacher relied on his verbal and physical takedowns in nearly equal measure, but neither is as impressive this time around.

Sure, Reacher still finds a particular joy in fighting large groups of men. And at one point, he approaches a car that’s been following him, punches out its driver through the rolled-up window, steals the man’s gun, dismantles it and throws it in a trash can. But, c’mon, Reacher. There was a recycling bin right next to that trash can. Have a little common courtesy, will ya?

And while he’s still the kind of guy who can fall off a building, dust himself off and keep fighting, “Never Go Back” has transformed Reacher into a kinder, gentler breaker of bones.

By the time the Reacher Family Trio heads to New Orleans to look for a junkie ex-military contractor, I zoned out and just started dreaming about beignets and grilled oysters.

Director Zwick tries to stage some excitement during the chaos of a French Quarter Halloween parade, but it only looks like a bargain-basement knockoff of Mexico City’s Day of the Dead festivities that were the highlight of “SPECTRE,” the most recent James Bond adventure.

The original “Jack Reacher” just barely made enough money to warrant a sequel, and everything about “Never Go Back,” from the stunts to the casting, seems as though it was done on the cheap. If anything, with the exception of Cruise, it feels like the pilot of yet another “NCIS” spinoff.

If this is the direction the “Jack Reacher” franchise is heading in, maybe Cruise and the producers really should never go back.

Unless it’s to the drawing board.

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com. On Twitter: @life_onthecouch.