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Boy bands battle zombies in Syfy’s ‘Dead 7’

It’s the mashup of “The Walking Dead,” “The Magnificent Seven” and MTV’s “TRL” you never knew you wanted.

Despite its April Fool’s Day premiere, though, “Dead 7” (8 p.m. Friday, Syfy) is all too real — and all too serious.

Nick Carter, of Backstreet Boys and “Dancing with the Stars” fame, cooked up the post-apocalyptic zombie movie, and he’s brought a bunch of his boy band buddies along for the ride.

That’s fellow Backstreeters Howie Dorough as the sniper Vaquero and AJ McLean as the cackling, blathering, demented-mime-looking villain, Johnny Vermillion.

’N Sync’s Joey Fatone is there, too, as the hard-drinkin’ Whiskey Joe. His bandmate, Chris Kirkpatrick, gets an eyeball ripped out as Mayor Shelby.

Jeff Timmons represents 98 Degrees as Billy, the estranged brother of Carter’s reluctant hero, Jack.

And Erik-Michael Estrada of O-Town, the group formed on ABC’s “Making the Band,” plays the “vigilante ninja” Komodo.

But “Dead 7” refuses to limit itself to just boy bands.

Grammy winner Jon Secada sports a pair of poorly glued-on muttonchops as Sheriff Cooper. As Madam Jezebel, “American Idol’s” Frenchie Davis runs the Filly Farm brothel that employs the feisty Trixie, played by Olivia Newton-John’s daughter, Chloe Lattanzi. “Rico Suave” singer Gerardo Mejia shows up as a postman. Other cameos include Everclear’s Art Alexakis, Seth Brooks Binzer, aka Shifty Shellshock of Crazy Town, and Delious Timothy Kennedy of All-4-One as “Jean the Mustached Man.”

Based on a story by Carter, “Dead 7” is written by somebody named Sawyer Perry. Although “written” is a strong word.

“After the epidemic, the world fell while the dead rose,” we’re told in an introductory voiceover. “There was no power, no food, no water. Mankind turned to a simpler way of life.” This explains why certain characters, including Carter’s Jack and Fatone’s Whiskey Joe, are dressed like they’re making a Western. But those two don’t exactly mesh with Estrada’s Komodo, who wears a hoodie and cargo shorts, or Timmons’ Billy, who looks like he just finished working on his pickup.

As the bald, braying Apocalypta, “MADtv’s” Debra Wilson commands an army of zombies known as Copperheads, whose teeth are used as currency. Because, why not. When their killing spree finally goes too far, Secada and his whiskers round up the closest thing to heroes they can find to put an end to the scourge.

“Dead 7” is produced by “mockbuster” pioneers The Asylum, purveyors of such fine Z-grade movies as “3-Headed Shark Attack,” “Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus” and, of course, the “Sharknado” franchise. But while “Dead 7” looks every bit as cheap, it provides only a fraction of the silly fun.

Early on, Billy and his girlfriend, Daisy Jane (Carrie Keagan), who always seems to have bloodstains in her cleavage, capture the nonsense-spewing Johnny Vermillion. “Gag him,” Billy says, “or it’s going to be a long ride.”

It was going to be a long ride either way. Unfortunately, “Dead 7” takes itself far too seriously for a movie with the tagline “Say Bye Bye Bye to Zombies.”

Maybe the inevitable sequel will capture some of the goofy humor you’d expect from something cast primarily from one of those “Now That’s What I Call Music!” CDs.

If there’s going to be a “Dead 7” franchise, something has to give. Because you just know someone at Syfy is dreaming of the epic crossover event “Dead 7 vs. Sharknado.”

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com. On Twitter: @life_onthecouch.

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