Even Jason Bourne is no match for red carpets — PHOTOS

The eye roll from Matt Damon made it all worthwhile.

Red carpets, like the one that took place at Caesars Palace on Monday for the U.S. premiere of “Jason Bourne,” may look glamorous.

They are not.

They’re the worst.

Well, not literally the worst. There’s terrorism, the Zika virus and the inevitability of Taylor Swift’s next breakup album.

But trust me, the only people for whom red carpets are fun are the fans, like those on the casino floor in front of the Colosseum, who get to look on from a distance.

“A red carpet lasts, what, 30 minutes tops?” Chris Evans told Rolling Stone earlier this year. “But that to me is like 30 minutes of walking on hot coals.”

And if Captain America himself can’t handle them, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Press members check in an hour before the talent is scheduled to arrive and are shepherded to a tiny square behind a velvet rope, where they wait. And wait. And think of polite ways of turning down publicists who ask if you’ll interview an actor you don’t know, who has a bit part in the movie and will add nothing to the story you’re working on. And then you wait some more.

Then there’s the overall anxiety. Are the actors going to spend so much time talking to Maria Menounos at the front of the carpet that they’ll just have to rush by you with a wave on their way into the theater?

Honestly, if I were an actor, that would be my strategy.

Julia Stiles, who portrays Nicky Parsons, the only constant in the “Bourne” franchise besides Damon, didn’t accompany the film crew to the Strip portion of the shoot. So the junket was her first trip to Las Vegas. She spent the entirety of it in hotels being interviewed. No shows, no shopping. That’s just cruel. “What a way to go,” she lamented of her first time in town. “It’s so boring,” she said of not getting to experience the city.

Damon, the man of the hour, graciously chatted with members of three Asian news agencies stationed next to me. At one point, his handler legitimately had to instruct the young women to ask him a question about the movie. They had him hold up signs written in Chinese. It was as though they were creating their own little game show. Finally, when one of them pulled out a T-shirt and asked him to sign it — something you just don’t do, ever, under any circumstances — Damon looked me square in the eye with a mixture of disbelief and desperation.

So to lighten the mood, when he finally escaped their clutches, I asked him if there was any truth to the rumor that “Jason Bourne,” which caused massive pileups and devastation on the Strip, was all just an elaborate ruse to destroy a good portion of his onscreen “enemy” Jimmy Kimmel’s hometown?

“No,” Damon said, laughing about one of the longest, all-time great running gags on late-night TV. “I wonder, was he kicked out of (Vegas) because they banned him from all the buffets?” (There will be much more from Damon and others from the “Jason Bourne” next week leading up to the movie’s July 29 opening.)

At one point, famously taciturn “Jason Bourne” co-star Tommy Lee Jones hit the red carpet and a wave of panic set in. Terrific actor, legendarily gruff interview. But, much like Robert De Niro, you can’t turn down the chance to talk to him, even if that encounter will later haunt your dreams.

I was spared, though, when he and his stunning co-star Alicia Vikander, the reigning best supporting actress Oscar winner for her work in “The Danish Girl,” had to hurry past half the press and into the theater. She waved. He didn’t.

I blame that bewitching Maria Menounos.

Amid all the forced smiles and suffering through inane questions — “Who are you voting for?” “What do you do to unwind?” — the one actor who legitimately had a great time on the red carpet was Ato Essandoh (“Django Unchained,” HBO’s “Vinyl”), who portrays deputy CIA director Craig Jeffers. And it was all thanks to a blast from his past.

“It’s like my childhood! I couldn’t believe it!” Essandoh said after the premiere. “I walk in, I’m taking pictures, and I’m, like, ‘That guy looks just like DONNY OSMOND! And I’m, like, ‘Where’s Marie?’ ”

The two were introduced and took plenty of selfies together. “It’s Marie Osmond,” he said, still beaming hours later. “It’s legendary.”

Even though it was the premiere of arguably his biggest role to date, he called the encounter, “Absolutely, 100 percent the highlight of the night. I met and hugged Marie Osmond. She invited me to her show. Like, it’s Marie Osmond! It’s Donny and Marie!”

He’s going, right?

“Hell yeah,” he exclaimed, “I’m going!”

And that might have been the most foolish questions asked all night.

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com. On Twitter: @life_onthecouch