Ferrell-Hart comedy ‘Get Hard’ never bothers to get good

As a statement on America’s racial divide, “Get Hard” is every bit as confusing and ineffective as Starbucks having its baristas write “Race Together” on your triple venti soy no foam latte.

What could have been a vital, thought-provoking comedy is mostly just an excuse to have Will Ferrell dress like Lil Wayne, crave malt liquor and be transfixed by the sight of a black woman’s bouncing buttocks.

Millionaire hedge fund manager James King (Ferrell) seemingly has it all. As a child, he was shipped off to boarding school “with the Murdochs and the bin Ladens.” Now, he’s ensconced in his Bel Air mansion with his trophy fiancee (“Community’s” Alison Brie) who demands to have sex atop the blueprints for their even bigger Bel Air mansion. “How much money are you going to make today?” she says, by way of turning herself and James on. “Enough to choke a baby!” he assures her.

Darnell (Kevin Hart), meanwhile, doesn’t have much to show for his hard work. All he wants is to move his wife (Edwina Findley) and his young daughter (Ariana Neal) out of South Central L.A. and into a safe home in a school district where little Makayla doesn’t have to worry about being murdered.

Despite their differences, they both show up every morning to work in the same building: James in a palatial office with a view where he throws around millions of other people’s dollars; Darnell in the underground parking garage where he washes cars.

So when James is framed for fraud and a judge makes an example of him by sentencing him to 10 years in San Quentin, James turns to Darnell to help him “get hard” enough to survive prison.

You know, because Darnell’s black.

Not only has Darnell never been arrested, what little he knows about the streets was gleaned from Ricky and Doughboy in “Boyz n the Hood.” He’s the khakis-wearing owner and CEO of the Hollywood Luxury Bubbles car washing service. But he agrees to train James — using a combination of his cousin Russell’s (a fun T.I. “Tip” Harris) experiences behind bars and his own imagination — in exchange for the $30,000 down payment on that house.

What follows is a series of scenes of James’ using the diminutive Darnell as a barbell, a baboon wielding a shiv and way too many objects having spent time in James’ rectum.

Darnell tasks him with challenging random strangers to fight. And when that doesn’t work, James is ordered to orally pleasure a gay man in a public restroom in an appalling bit that shoehorns in some wildly unnecessary graphic nudity.

It’s one of several scenes based around James’ fear of prison rape, and Darnell’s assurances of all the different ways he’ll be prison raped, that don’t feel so much homophobic as tone deaf.

Similarly, James isn’t being racist in assuming Darnell has been to prison. It’s just that statistically, he says, one in three black men will be incarcerated, so he’s playing the odds.

First-time director Etan Cohen is credited for the “Get Hard” script alongside the duo of Jay Martel and Ian Roberts, who hold the distinction of having written for both Blake Shelton and “Key and Peele.” And Cohen knows a little something about playing race for outrageous laughs, having co-written “Tropic Thunder,” which landed a black-faced Robert Downey Jr. an Oscar nomination. Unlike that movie, though, “Get Hard” has nothing to say.

Ferrell plays James somewhere between the naivete of Buddy the Elf and the thick-headed cluelessness of Ron Burgundy. He’s never less than amusing to watch as Ferrell impressively commits to even the most ridiculous scenarios. And his awful improvised cursing is a hoot.

But what passes for plot in “Get Hard” is little more than the flimsiest of connections between silly scenes.

James dons the aforementioned Lil Wayne outfit in an attempt to join Russell’s gang, the Crenshaw Kings, to receive prison protection. Yet he approaches the neo-Nazi biker gang the Alliance of Whites with the same request while wearing a preppy sweater. It just doesn’t make sense.

There are laughs to be mined from “Get Hard’s” goofiness, and Hart, playing a more human character than usual, and Ferrell go after them with gusto. But it’s hard not to wonder what, say, Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor could have done with the same concept 35 years ago.

Toward the movie’s end, James and Darnell refer to themselves as Mayo, as in mayonnaise, and Chocolate.

But while the actors are certainly a more pleasing combination, “Get Hard” leaves a similarly nasty aftertaste.

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com. Follow him on Twitter: @life_onthecouch.