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‘Batman v Superman’ is not a good movie

The 2013 Superman reboot “Man of Steel” ultimately proved so forgettable, even its director, Zack Snyder, couldn’t remember one of its leading causes of devastation: terraforming.

You simply can’t build an entire world in just a couple of hours, as General Zod (Michael Shannon) attempted, without inflicting some major collateral damage.

So what does Snyder do for a follow-up with “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”? He takes the sort of world building that Marvel has spent the past decade doling out over the course of a dozen films and crams it into a single 151-minute movie that feels like it lasts a day and a half.

To the surprise of almost no one, the result is an overstuffed mess that seems less concerned with telling a coherent story than in setting up next fall’s “Justice League: Part One.”

After forcing moviegoers to sit through Thomas and Martha Wayne’s murder in that Gotham City alley for seemingly the billionth time — the billion-and-first comes an hour or two later — “Batman v Superman” opens with Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) helping to rescue employees at his Wayne Tower during the destruction porn at the end of “Man of Steel.”

Two years later, Metropolis has been magically rebuilt, including a spiffy new Heroes Park complete with a massive sculpture of its resident savior, Superman (Henry Cavill). But, much like viewers who were left cold by “Man of Steel,” Bruce Wayne isn’t so quick to forget that Superman was responsible for a good portion of that demolition.

Drawing largely from Frank Miller’s “The Dark Knight Returns” for inspiration, “Batman v Superman” paints the aging Caped Crusader as a jaded vigilante who’s taken to branding suspects with a bat logo. Wayne Manor is in ruins, Robin is long gone, and Batman has spent the past 20 years destroying the criminal underworld only to see it grow back like a weed. “I’m older now than my father ever was,” he laments to Alfred (Jeremy Irons), his faithful butler/co-conspirator.

But Wayne feels a new sense of purpose with what he deems a growing threat from Superman, so he tries to get his hands on a large sample of Kryptonite. But first, he’ll have to steal it from Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg), a Zuckerberg-ian brat who has his own reasons for wanting to kill Superman.

That should be more than enough plot for any movie, but Snyder and screenwriters Chris Terrio (“Argo”) and David S. Goyer (“Man of Steel”) can’t leave well enough alone.

There’s a subplot involving Superman rescuing Lois Lane (Amy Adams) from a warlord in someplace called “Nairomi, Africa” that leads to a headline-seeking senator (Holly Hunter) presiding over hearings designed to hold Superman accountable for his actions.

Diana Prince, aka Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot), engages in some cat-and-mouse flirtations with Wayne as they keep their real agendas hidden.

Luthor collects data and surveillance videos to support “the metahuman thesis,” going so far as to supply the future “Justice League” co-stars with their own logos.

And the single coolest moments come during a dystopian nightmare that only fuels Wayne’s hatred of Superman.

Any one of those arcs also would be enough to support an entire movie. Instead, they’re all shoved, kicking and screaming, into one unintelligible ruckus. What began as “Man of Steel 2” essentially reduces Superman to a supporting character. He’s basically Coldplay at the Super Bowl halftime show.

Much like the outrage over Michael Keaton’s casting in 1989’s “Batman,” the furor over Batfleck was similarly misguided. His is a new breed of Batman, at least on film, and I’m eagerly awaiting his eventual standalone movie. The same goes for next summer’s “Wonder Woman.” Hopefully, Snyder will be involved as little as possible in both. Either he’s incapable of telling an engrossing story, or he stubbornly refuses to try.

After “Man of Steel” was roundly criticized for its enormous body count, Snyder and his team go to great lengths to pound home the point that “Batman v Superman’s” climactic battle takes place in an unpopulated area. This is mentioned multiple times, even by Anderson Cooper, but the resulting clash is just as uninspired as its predecessor. Much like the Iron Man-Hulk brawl in “Avengers: Age of Ultron,” there’s just so much digital destruction, it feels overwhelming and instantly forgettable.

Affleck and Gadot are impressive in their debuts, but there really are no winners in “Batman v Superman.” That includes moviegoers looking for anything resembling a good time.

Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com. On Twitter: @life_onthecouch

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